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2010-04-010T16:28:00.001-04:00

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Thunder For Laughing Hollywood, CA

2010-04-03T04:07:00.002-04:00

The day ends when I sleep. And as the hours become shorter and the fate of another minute finds mortality, my urge to connect takes over. I do not want to be alone.

Maybe the smoke of lemon grass will raise this room. Maybe if it is waved and danced and chanted over - words of spiritual forfeit - then peace will find me. Answers will descend. Beating wings from hummingbird heaven or plants underneath me, nourished by my surrender, or riotous demons with thunder for laughing - I will be taken by what claims comfort because I do not want to be alone in the end.

As If Forgetting Hollywood, CA

2010-04-02T03:12:00.005-04:00

Searching with half-sight for my dignity, dropped somewhere at his feet. Ashamed hands, angry at the heart, finger fine fabrics and precious pillows. Between these cushions, not a crumb of truth to save me.

All of my magick, all of my colors, all of my freedom was a beautiful distraction. In the end, don't we all have our real lives to tend? I can arch and sing song of giant female empowered. I can think galaxies onto chart. I can forgive with the genuine depth of chosen innocence, you'd think I'd never been wronged. Never been raked. Never been medicated. I can forgive with the blind stupidity of the inexperienced child. But instead, I will forgive with the woman's used heart. He used it. I used it. I intend on using it again.

Twist the knob and not the knife. Just turn, turn as if forgetting. Make not one noise, hold not one memory of ever having touched me. Cross the carpet with silent, undoing steps, pausing only in the side of the room where minds can be read and lies lose definition.

Until then, keep walking. Let me be.

Kyoto Korp Kun Kha Hollywood, CA

2010-03-26T02:40:00.003-04:00

a base of:

2C green leaf lettuce sliced in width-wise 1" bands

topped with:

1C sea spaghetti (soaked 20min min before hand - difficult to find - get it in the USA here)
6oz perfectly ripe Hass avocado cubed in 1" squares
3oz deskinned cucumber cubed in 1" squares

dress generously with:

1/2 - 3/4C Thai coconut water (go for a very pourable cream consistency)
3/4C raw almond butter (available here)
1/2 Meyer lemon's juice
1/8C Huckleberry vinegar
1T powdered ginger
1/8T pink Himalayan rock salt
1/4T powdered cayenne pepper
(blend on high for 1min first, after starting the seaweed soaking so the flavors can mix while you prep the salad - this dressing refrigerates well)

top with:

white sesame seeds to taste

enjoy with chop sticks and Pinot Noir!

Sustainable Wine Review: 2008 Bouchaine Estate Chardonnay EcoHearth Column

2010-03-23T09:23:00.003-04:00

Oh, lovely life. I return home from a long day at the theatre with one mission: relax and take care of myself before early rehearsal again tomorrow�our first audience is Monday night. This is an intense time in the process. I open my screenless windows at midnight to let the blooming jasmine lurk in. I flop my shoes onto the wood floors and massage my own dancer feet. I am relaxing and taking care of myself the best way I can imagine. Oh, lovely life: This day ends with wine. Read more...

Adoration Hollywood, CA

2010-03-19T02:45:00.003-04:00

Bless this wind blowing over my body.
This bird scattered now that I am known to be here.
Hands on my feet - giant hands on my feet.
I am adored the way I understand adoration to be.

Simple are the pleasures opening eyes each morning -
The adventure, the Sun, the laughter above all.
Adored is the inhale, the exhale; my breath.
A mentor of gratitude this pleasure be.

The Show Must Go On Hollywood, CA

2010-03-17T03:18:00.004-04:00

Would it be theatre without a little drama? Our lead female ingenue can not sing. Nor speak. On the day of our preview performance with a paying audience. Her vocal chord hemorrhaged and any sound peeped could leave her facing surgery and an altered career path. What do we do (in the next few hours?!?) with a lead role that can not sing nor speak?!?

The show must go on! That's not a silly, meaningless catch phrase for theatre aficionados, but a very real ordeal that live performers have to face and triumph through in order to see our baby thrive, in order to offer celebratory distraction for the people in the seats, in order to not have to refund five hundred $70 tickets.

In all my years of professional performance, from Detroit to Chicago, from NYC to San Francisco, I have never ever actually encountered this scenario - day of first paying audience, a lead actress can not perform her role - with no swings, no understudies and no plan Bs whatsoever. Seriously: wow.

A woman, living in San Diego was contacted and drove up to LA with only a phone call's notice, arriving at 5pm. Dinner is at 6. Curtain is at 8. With only one hour of rehearsal, this woman familiarized herself with our orchestra, with our staged timing, and sat in the dark on the side of the stage singing and speaking every line while our broken hearted and now mute ingenue mimed - not lip synched, but mimed her show. The audience loved it. And audibly enjoyed their evening at the funniest musical comedy ever written.

It was crazy weird for us on stage, of course! What a stress day, what are we going to do for tomorrow's opening nite when Jason Alexander, our artistic director, is in attendance, along with all our loved ones at the opening nite after-party? What will we do for the rest of the run? Will Annie be replaced? Oh, please let her vocal chords feel better more quickly and effortlessly than expected. Blessed be.

I'm cross eyed at this point, honestly. We've put this show in front of an audience after only 13 days rehearsal. My life exists inside a darkened imagination land. No light enters in and no identity but that of VIBRATA, my character - Tonya Kay, the performer - survives. I do not have time to do my laundry, run my company, chat with my best girlfriend or get a well-deserved massage. I exist only in the Reprise theatre at this point and it's going to get worse before it gets better. There is a day off in sight one week away. It will be my second this month. With a possible new performer entering the production last minute, surely even more rehearsals will be called.

I do what any exhausted, well intentioned triple threat would do: come home, throw down a few lines in my online journal and make myself the one meal I get to eat today: purple kale, parsley, sea spaghetti, local raw walnut oil and pink salt. It is essential that I take excellent care of myself, especially right now. May I wake feeling greened, alkalized, nourished and rested. I've been working on my 6-pack during this run and ... taking excellent care of myself is the only reason I haven't bottomed out, burnt out or phoned in. I'm present, available and my 6 pack is rockin', too.

Thank goodness today was Tuesday, the day of the week ruled by the planet Mars, so full of determination to triumph and win. I seem to always feel really solid on Tuesdays. Something about this triumph works with my outlook on life, I guess. It certainly worked today with the cast and crew of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. I still don't know how, but the show went on!

Living Cuisine Raw Restaurant in Salt Lake City, UT EcoHearth Column

2010-03-16T14:11:00.002-04:00

What I wanted to "be when I grew up" first, before anything else, was a football player.

I was three years old when the subject came up. I wore a humongous football helmet around the house and ran with no seeming direction�sometimes in circles, sometimes into walls due to an oversized helmet blocking my vision�whenever a game was on television. But I also wore a mask and bounced on a spring horse when Zorro was on. And acted out every A. A. Milnes character on the stage of my childhood bed when I was read "Winnie the Pooh" bedtime stories. I think I was a doer right from the beginning. Oh, how early we display our unique personalities! Read more...

Thank you, 15 Hollywood, CA

2010-03-16T03:14:00.003-04:00

What we need now, is an audience. And we got it. Bus loads of it: 450 people sitting in the seats for our final dress rehearsal. That's quite a crowd for a rehearsal. My, my, are we ready?

They saw dresses pop open, actors enter late, heard the orchestra squawk, too. But that's what we needed, I know. I said it two days ago when emotions were worn and feelings were hurt backstage left and right; "we could take an hour of notes and improve a bit each time, or we could just have an audience and get exponentially better in 15 minutes."

Thank you, 15.

What a talented and experienced family of professionals I am amongst. I love dancers whom can learn a whole number by watching it once. I love music directors who rehearse you morning and night and when they get home, record and email you a track to practice with. I love light crew, dressers, directors, actors who listen with a "yes" always on their lips; Yes, I can try it a new way. Yes, I can change what I was doing. Yes, I can take in massive amounts of information because I know, like you, that we all only have 13 rehearsals to put this up in and "no" ain't gonna get us a show when the audience arrives on the 14th rehearsal.

450 audience members watched our last dress rehearsal tonite. And oh, they whistled, they hollared, surely they sang the lyrics to these favorite songs under their breath. They ate us with spoons, as my choreographer would say. Yet the production still had it's hiccups. And honestly, maybe that's why the crowd was so overwhelmingly LOVING the show: they got to see us - real performers giving all we got of our highly trained instruments and still not knowing how the heck we are going to possibly have this come together - maybe they like to see the unperfected show � the unperfected human being. The process of perfection is so much more accessible and relatable than perfection itself.

Oh that, and invited dress rehearsal is a free ticket.

From Inside a Theatre Los Angeles, CA

2010-03-13T03:16:00.002-05:00

Tech week. That says it all to a thespian. Twelve hour work days, awkward high-intensity rehearsals with orchestra, start and stops for lights to dial the visual in, and entire days spend in the grand dark depths of the theatre, missing once again, the sun's path across the sky.

If I haven't written about my most recent spagyric studies, it's because I've been writing in my mind. This intense rehearsal schedule, the TBS tv pilot I shot mid-week, and just keeping food in my belly and clean clothes on my performer limbs has taken all I've got. I have not stopped my spagyric study, but rather wrote my Book of Shadows in my consciousness until I could put it down in pixelated print. I seem calm, but annoyed on Mondays. I am seen as assertive and independent on Tuesdays. Magickal things usually happen to me on Wednesdays. Tangible things happen for me on Thursdays. And on Fridays, I am sensual and life gets a little easier.

I've been placing a few drops of Al-Qemi's spagyric magesteries under my tongue before even water, while still in bed, every morning. I've been meditating, while in a half-waking state, on the spagyric's intangible effects. And during this third week of study, I've found that I am reaching a deeper level of interaction with the spagyric. It's as if before, I was expecting to receive something from the magestery. But now I am tasting it. And taking in the life force of the original teacher plant. I can read through the correlated planetary effects and pick out the personality of the starter plant. The magesteries simultaneously all began to taste exceptionally good. In a non-food way. I am tasting character. I am getting to know the plants themselves in a very clear, present, active way.

So much fun in studying what you are drawn to. In high school this smarty pants took college math and linguistics, but as soon as I valedictorianed my diploma, I never set foot in a traditional classroom again. I may not have attended university, but how many of my friends who did - for any portion of time - are still passionately directing their own learning towards whatitis that they are drawn to. This mind - midwife of reality - is strong, like any muscle, when it is being worked. I take acting, vocal, dance, yoga and pilates classes. I read about endangered species, spiritual philosophy, magickal technique and I also read lots of screenplays. I study subtle correlations between daily experience and the things others forget to pay attention to. I try new things. I like learning new things.

So all this subtlety and intensity has culminated in a weekend of tech rehearsal. And I've never felt better. I feel on top of the world, doing what I love, laughing with the people I see every day, exercising my fitness and emotional expression by performing in the theatre. Oh, the pride a theatre performer doth privilege.

Sun Shadows: Rock Dust Experiments Hollywood, CA

2010-03-08T02:20:00.003-05:00

I thought about how fun it is to sing and dance all day today.

I sang and danced all day today.

The musical comedy I am rehearsing right now did our first run through today and even after only 5 days of rehearsal, some of the material went over only once before the run through, it went slamingly well. It went well because everyone is a pro. And they love singing and dancing, and acting wild and untamed emotionally, though extraordinarily well adjusted, without limits. Living without limits. Everything is possible. In the theatre, everything is possible. Bless the stage.

I thought a bit about radiation, too. It being Sunday and all. And how I started putting 3 quarts of British Columbian green glacial moraine rock dust next to my apartment's wify router to measure, with my tri-field electro-magnetic frequency meter if the radiation dropped off any shorter than the usual 'danger zone' 5 ft radius. It did. So I left it there, thinking I was doing myself a HUGE favor, using rock dust to effectively block the little radiation I was responsible for in my home. The internet reception went down to zilch. I couldn't load online anymore. The information is the radiation. Everything radiates. You radiate.

Sunday.

Anyway, I moved that rock dust to the side and the internet worked only slightly better. So the rock dust did not have to actually be between myself and my wify router. It had to be anywhere in close proximity. It ABSORBED the radiation. Radiation and this rock dust like each other. The are on complimentary waves. Maybe the rock dust is helping energy waves transmute if they want to. The almost always want to.

I filled a couple test tubes with rock dust and keep'em in my glass water bottle. Imagine. I have proof, now imagine drinking it. I am 80% water, after all. Imagine all this consciousness and effectiveness and attention going into a flowing 80% of my being.

I throw a clear or rose quartz into the water, too, for the exact same purpose only in reverse.

Venus Shadows: Allowance Hollywood, CA

2010-03-05T23:19:00.003-05:00

Friday is Freyja's day etymologically. Freyja is an ancient Norse Goddess associated with love, beauty and fertility. The Germanic languages including Dutch, Old High German, Modern German, Old Norse, Swedish, Danish and Norwegian all name this day of the week after Freyja.

The Goddess Freyja coincidentally (or not so) resembles the Roman Goddess, Venus, also principally associated with love, beauty and fertility. The word venus stemming from the verb "venerari" which means to try to please. So Venus, the Roman Goddess, was the archetype of veneration and was venerated therefore. The Romance languages; French, Spanish, Italian, Catalan, Corsican and Romanian, all name this day of the week after Venus.

In most Indian languages, Friday is named Shukravar, which is the Sanskrit name for the planet Venus.

The astronomical symbol of the planet Venus is the symbol used for the female sex. The planet Venus is visible from earth, and undergoes cyclical visual phases like our moon, often called the Morning Star and then the Evening Star within another part of it's planetary journey. Originally, the many cultures whom studied this planet's path movement through the heavens, believed it to be two separate planets. The Greek eventually realized that the planet was one in the same and named the single planet after their Goddess of love, Aphrodite. It is my belief that it is Venus's original separate nature, becoming one in human consciousness that earned the planet the archetype of love. The Romans obviously are responsible for renaming the Goddess, the planet and the day of the week for their Goddess of Love, Venus, which we still adhere to today.

Venus and the Earth are almost identical in size and mass. Often, they are called "sister" or "twin" planets. Which I find very loving as well:-) The Mayans based their religious calendar in part on Venus's motions, looked towards this planet for propitious timing of important events.

Today must be important. Because it was Friday. The day of the week related to love, beauty and fertility. The planet I am aligning myself with today is Venus.

I can't choose green for the color of Venus energies, when pink is so obviously more potent. The heart chakra is a definite spinning focal point and Peach essential oil embodied my focus on pure beauty in a scentual manner. Noteworthy markers for this day of the week included getting an extreme amount of unrest due to noise from my neighbors last nite and feeling exhausted all day long at rehearsal because of it. I forwent my usual ballet barre warm up, my vocal warm up, and my food preparation, too. I usually exercise, stretch, do sit ups and push ups during down time at rehearsal, and go over what I learned the day prior, but again, I found myself mostly retreating to the floor, with my feet up and closing my eyes as much as possible during down time. It was a really hard day energetically. But my mind still took in a massive amount of new material and I did not feel agitated due to exhaustion, but rather passive and in general; slower. I did not work for either of my companies on my lunch break. I did receive interest in a really cool commercial booking, though - a project I really hope I can be a part of and accept a booking for this weekend. I also received two scripts for my consideration today, which I am anxious to read: one for the tv pilot I am shooting next week and one an original screenplay by a valued friend. I'm going to bed early.

As vulnerable as I felt today, I have to honestly say that the Venus energy allowed me to not resist, but find peace in that enervated state. And the brief, meditative experience at the onset of my day, when still in bed with sheets warm from my own body surrounding me, I placed three drops of Rose spagyric magestery under my tongue, was the most impacting moment of the entire day. Communing with these magesteries has become a vital centering moment of my mornings. A spiritual commitment before dream residue has evaporated into Beta waves. In the shamanistic sense of the term, alchemical spagyrics have become medicine for me. Plant-perfected teachers, teaching what I intend to learn.

Jupiter Shadows: Dream Journaling Hollywood, CA

2010-03-05T02:02:00.003-05:00

Jupiter returns on Thor's day, or Thursday, to my consciousness again. And I do a day-long meditation on what characteristics are present in this day of the week. As I mentioned a few days ago, I am beginning to feel a nice flow of intuition in my magickal associations with reference to this spagyric study and today, I noticed again that I replaced a few of the suggested associations for colors, rocks, and ideas more personal to me.

When my great grandmother, Theodessa (to whom I feel a strong direct genetic heritage), I remember books she had held onto surfacing and being offered to me; "This was your great gramma's - do you want to read it?". Apparently, no one else did. I read them. Books on numerology, books on science and religion, and my favorite; books on dream interpretation. At that time in my teenage life, I had been working successfully with lucid dreaming and out of body experiences, as is quite natural for teen agers to successfully do, and was impressed that my great grandma had at least at one time in her 92 years enjoyed similar subjects.

Perhaps the subject of dream interpretation was still undeveloped at the time of publishing for the book of hers I then held in my hands. Or the author was of a different, more dogmatic, black-and-white consciousness school. But this one book in particular was of the sort that lists a reference like: SNAKE as the dream subject, then suggests a catch-all meaning like: male phallus or something (often Freudian) like that.

But I had already developed a very personal dialogue with my subconscious through dream journaling, group hypnosis and guided out of body meditations and I felt the truth of economics: statistics can predict an entire race's favorite color in the year 2012 with almost unerring accuracy. But economics fails miserably when applied to an individual's favorite color in the year 2012. It is next to impossible to predict, in fact, an individual's favorite color in the year 2012. Generalizations, economics and Freudian dream interpretation books may be the tools of Consciousness, but not the tools of the Subconscious.

I had dreamed of a PURPLE GORILLA ON THE RAMPAGE the nite before, so I thumbed through the book and ... not only was PURPLE GORILLA ON THE RAMPAGE missing entirely, but the simplified GORILLA interpretation was supposed to mean certain "friendship". Now, c'mon. What if I had had a really horrible experience with a gorilla at the Toledo Zoo when I was an infant? Or what if I was a director at the Performing Animal Welfare Society and rescued/rehabilitated gorillas from zoos at my sanctuary like they were my own children? The key to the subconscious, which is where the language of symbol is stored (and I am of the opinion that reality is purely symbols) lies in the axiom, Know ThySelf.

There is no book that knows your subconscious, no doctor that knows your body, no mentor that knows your inner most workings better than you could. Let the books, the doctors, the mentors be starting points, guides and points of reference for your own integral work - vital work - required work to write your own Book of the Law, Book of Shadows, Self-Healing Manual, Dream Interpretation Reference Guide.

So today, I felt that Jupiter was greener than bluer in symbolic color. And more Agate than Optical Selenite in rock energy. I found the Crown chakra to be accurate in relating to the expansive nature of this massive planet's pure gaseous composition. And the alchemic spagyric magestery of Melissa tasted so good underneath my tongue, first thing in the morning, before even a sip of water to break my nite's fast, that I fell back asleep temporarily, contemplating how big Jupiter's Thursday was going to be for me. Holding onto the shape of Jupiter in my subconscious and owning this page of personal interpretation in my record keeping book. People seemed so massive today. As if we all were relating on an archetypal level as Gods and Goddesses to one another. Communication seemed powerful and concise. I negotiated a contract. I accepted a booking. I was offered a ticket to my own screening. I took in gigantic amounts of performance material with ease. And the tempo seemed just right. Like the PURPLE GORILLA ON THE RAMPAGE was whom I was and always wanted to be.

What interpretation book can do this work for me?

Mercury Shadows: Interconnection Hollywood, CA

2010-03-04T01:21:00.003-05:00

I have a special affinity for Mercury. A special place in my heart for the messenger. The strong mind, the adaptability, the universality, the fluency of networking, communication and psychic outreach that keeps all of us and everything interconnected. Whether we know it or not. I have a special affinity for Mercury.

And today, my second Wednesday in the spagyric study, I realized something: I am doing more than creating a language of planetary energies. I am observing a natural, regenerative cycle of consciousness. These energies represented and influenced by the planets are not just symbols. They are living archetypes inside each of us with consciousness. Or at least myself. I can't speak for anyone else. But I can see a pattern of progression through each planetary energy as if it were living consciousness itself. Each planet vital, with it's faults leading to the development of the next planet's (day's) opportunities.

Wednesday is a very neutral day. It's the middle day. It's the "hump" day. It's the day of interconnectedness in the middle of my week.

Mars Shadows: Aspecting Something? Hollywood, CA

2010-03-03T01:45:00.002-05:00

Whew! Life is delightfully unexpected! Today is my first repeat of a Tuesday, which is the day of the week related to the Mars planetary energy, since the beginning of my alchemic spagyric study. I seem to have a lot of confidence and direction on Mars days - qualities I often relate more to Sun energy. Only this confidence and direction is indeed not so gentle, but almost more like I know exactly what I want and I'm going for it. Mars is like the Sun, but with unquestionable authority!

I have been writing down noteworthy occurrences in order to note any patterns in tangible, daylight activity. And I've forgotten to write something this entire study time, that seems important now: I break glass things about 3 times per week. Every week. It pains me so because I love glass! I choose it over plastic for environmental and organic aesthetic purposes always. And it shatters in my very fingers, I drop in on the floor, in fact, if I look at glass the wrong way it breaks from my gaze only. I swear, I'm not making this up. It's worth noting: me and glass are not Lovers. Though I do so wish I had the touch of a mother, I guess Mars and I don't win when it comes to glass.

Mars usually wins, though:-) I think I have a lot of Mars energy. And hey, even if you don't win, the game is more fun if you tell others you are going to so they get scared and throw their poker faces away prematurely. This is only a tactic in gaming if you actually don't care if you win or not. Play like you do and you are certain the winner is you. But just for fun.

Today I was given a compliment that mattered. Today I played with whips and it felt so good. Today I began a rehearsal process with a group of extraordinarily talented and welcoming people. Today I attended a dear friend's 30th birthday part. Today I was offered a contract for a writing project that I've really been investing my care into for literally years. Today I have an opportunity to perform a role I really, really want to feel what it's like to play, if the universe will allow a slight schedule shift. Today I wept every time someone wasn't looking. What's up with Mars day?

And in the end, I must ask ... if I am using spagyrics, crystals, raw foods, ritual, color, intention and art to develop a magickal language based in planetary correspondence to the days of the week, am I to believe that the actual astrological transits and aspects exerting their in time influence on my little ant life are somehow outweighed by the fact that Tiw was the ancient Greek God of War, for which this day of the week is named and therefor everything is to relate to the planet, Mars, who shares this war-like energy on this day each week? My astrological moon is in Mars, by the way. Maybe that's why I feel so confident when I'm feeling war-like.

Just documenting. What a day. Tuesday.

Eco-Concious Wine is Best Above All EcoHearth Column

2010-03-02T15:54:00.002-05:00

Some select the foods they eat based on taste. Some are trying to affect their body image. Others make food choices based purely on convenience. Children often don�t get to choose at all; they eat what they are given. The reasons for food selection are as numerous as the stars in the sky. One thing is certain: to those of us living in the United States, at least, it is a choice.
Read more...

Moon Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-03-02T04:04:00.000-05:00

And with the full moon comes the blood. Moon day. Monday.

Sun Shadows: The Jasmine Is Outside My Window Hollywood, CA

2010-03-01T02:50:00.003-05:00

In astronomy, "occult" means to conceal a celestial body, apparently by a smaller body, from view by passing or being in front of it. Like an eclipse, for example. Occult is to hide. The occult is the hidden. But maybe there is only a small thing doing the hiding.

My cleanse got the best of me the past two days. The last week of four, each week consecutively reducing solid food intake by one meal until the final week, no food at all. Meanwhile, ultra-liquifying with juices, coconut water and wheatgrass grown in my window, sometimes in the moonlight. In addition to ultra-upping to what amounts to massive quantities of activating herbs by this final week. All plans were flexible to change and I'm glad, because they did. Is it safe here to say I had no energy? I was surprised to actually loose vision and hearing repeatedly for two days here. Yes, I was feeling light and quite � ultra-clean. My dreams were almost waking. And my fire, which I rely on to steer this bird, entirely subdued. In order for this cleanse to physically do what I had intended it to do and is it safe to say here this cleanse was successful. Mucoloid plaque, which builds up (now I know) in even the longest term vegetarian's intestines, preventing those life nutrients from absorbing fully and like watching too much tv, even if it is on a computer screen, dulls our human potential. Mine came out. A lot of it did, I'm hoping all. It was something hidden inside my own body, from my own consciousness, something occult, and I have just performed, to me, the most magickal of operations. Yes, my dreams skyrocketed. Yes, my sensitivity to energetic influences blossomed opened wide. Yes, I was face to face with what could not be denied. And the magick was in the cleanse.

As Fever Ray says, "It ain't over. I'm not done."

I returned yesterday to small amounts of solid food, wishing to have (cleaner than) normal functioning capacity for my tv series pilot presentation shoot tomorrow and reputed live LA resident musical theatre rehearsals beginning Tuesday. Now is the perfect time to reflect on my spagyric study as it continues into it's 2nd week.

The 2nd week of Al-Qemi's Tools for Transformation alchemic spagyric study is a continuance of the first, but this time getting to note my first patterns based on days of the week, decidedly representing planetary energies. Again, my goal in this study is to create a planetary language I can utilize in the future. Already it's turning out to be much more and different than I had expected.

Yes, Friday, which is Venus's day, my first repeat day, did indeed again fill me with a peaceful desire, acceptance of others and maturity. This is becoming my Venus. Saturday, which is Saturn's day, again was an effortless day where I just plain felt 'alright'. I had a finely tuned and deeply pitched true dream. This is becoming my Saturn. And today, Sunday, the Sun's day, again people smiled gentle-like at me to and from the farmer's market. I felt confident in what I was giving to the world. This is my Sun.

Now I'm sure that every individual responds quite differently to the planets' weekly influences, according to how those planets originally set up her playing board at birth, what she's done with it since, and what angles the planets are set up with in the sky even this moment. In the end, I'm really studying me, not the planets. What else, really, can we study? As long as you are alive, you are �

The surprising emergence in my second week of pattern gathering in the spagyric study is not so much revealed in happenings (yet), but my own psychology. I seem to be developing already an intimate relationship with the planetary energies and instead of following the rules, I am improving upon them. For example, I work the planet's corresponding color into my day any way I can - by wearing that color, by choosing a rock perhaps that color and fingering it all day, by eating foods that color if appropriate, by making note of how much the color is like the planet I am featuring every time I see it in my world. Well, Friday's Venus likes the color green. Venus rules the heart, green is the color of the heart's chakra, and I have plenty of green stones. But intuitively, I knew pink was the color of Venus and the heart to me. So I picked up my Fuschite, Chrysicola, Peacock Copper AND my Rose Quartz. And throughout the day, Rose Quartz won out, far more powerful for that day of the week. That day. But now I do get how green and pink are alike. And they are both permitted, but neither true. Pink worked.

Saturn's scent for Saturday was recorded as rotten or fermented. And oh, being an avid fermentalist myself, I do recognize the drawing in energy, the focalizing, the narrowing of the fermented scent. But to me, specifically, Saturn's introspective and judgmental tendencies can indeed be quite heavy when saturated, but this inner scrutiny can also smell sexy like jasmine, thick and perverted, obscured somewhere and scenting everywhere - where is the jasmine I smell? Saturn, for me, can be like the narcissus flower opening, beaconing for self-perfection, self-respect and self-love. Why should Saturn smell fermented and rotten when sometimes, surely she smells hypnotizingly luscious. Narcissus oil, rather than the Carrot Seed oil worked.

I'm only concerned about what works. I'm not concerned about anything else right now.

Cleansing works. I am pure occult in my study of the ultra-hidden truths. And developing my personal relationship to a planetary energy is the gnosis I desired which as revealed it's presence to me as well.

Today, on the Sun's day, I broke cleanse by walking in the Sun, wearing bright yellow, at the farmer's market, eating fresh cherimoya and blueberries. I set a bucket of water on my rooftop for 3 hours, allowing the Sun's light to penetrate the water, then wiped the floor of every corner in my home with a cloth dipped in Sun water. I sunbathed nude in the late afternoon rays. I chose Iron Pyrite, even though Citrine is the obvious rock of choice. And what a unique Sun day to study, when the full Moon exposed itself on the horizon and I was compelled to honor both the Sun for the day and the Moon for the month at the same time. Performing a nailed Defixio and Derive (as found in Patrick Dunn's Magic, Power, Language and Symbol: A Magician's Exploration of Linguistics), dancing, Moon bathing, and anointing with Moon water.

There are endless movements and they make up a lifelong dance. The more muscles the dancer can become intimate with, the fully the being experiences the motion. The experience is fully conscious. Do not mistake this for meaning.

black and white artwork by Jason Cole

Jupiter Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-25T20:21:00.004-05:00

Thursday. Thor's day. Thor is a Norse god derived from a Proto-Germanic god of thunder, Thunaraz. Germanic languages Danish, Norweigan, German, Dutch and Swedish all name this day after Thor, the god of thunder.

The Romance languages - Italian, French, Spanish, Catalan, and Romanian name this day of the week after Jupiter, also the god of thunder.

In the Hindu religion, this day derives from the word Guru, the Sanskrit name for Jupiter, the largest of planets.

Jupiter, the planet, is special in our solar system because it is the largest of them all - visible in daylight, even, when the sun is low. It has a whopping 63 moons and even more exciting, is that our solar system's largest planet is composed not of solid matter, but of about 90% hydrogen and 10% helium. In astrology, I've often wondered why Jupiter correlates to "expansiveness", "prosperity", the "urge for freedom and exploration" and general merrymaking. I can see now why the largest planet composed of ever-shifting gasses would exert quite an expansive energy towards us on the earth planet. And hey, the word jovial is the adjective form of Jupiter, which means to be "happy" or "merry".

This is not new stuff here. We just walk around calling it Thursday. Maybe there is something deeper going on.

But in contradiction, let me also assert that the 7 day calendar is not the only calendar in use. The 7 day week is indeed arbitrary, as Ancient Egypt had a 10 day week, Nigeria's Igbo have a 4 day week, ancient Celts had a 9 nite week and as I mentioned before, I have a current lunar calendar that has no weeks at all, just a spiraling month composed of 28 days. I prefer this calendar very much to my right-angle boxed, lined up day iCal calendar, let me tell you. Consciousness needs more spirals.

So it is today (isn't it everyday?). And we call today Thursday. I am relating Thursday to Jupiter in order to take notes on any patterns Thursdays, or Jupiter, holds for me. My goal is to create a new magickal language.

Blue is the suggested color of Jupiter's magickal correspondence, but for some reason, my gut feels it should be green. Green seems like the most expansive color to me. Or maybe I'm just a nature idealist, but everywhere I look, green is a blessing, it is a "go", it is the color of our paper currency, it is the mineral-rich food that enters my body. So I kept both blue and green at hand today, wearing blue, meditating with peacock ore on my crown chakra and juicing oodles of kale, dandelion, and blue-green algae on this ultra-sensitve last week of my four week cleanse. I even chose to palm a marble, rather than a rock, all day today because it was blue and green and made to look like a little Earth. I held the world in my hands today:-)

I took the alchemic spagyric Jupiter magistery under my tongue and watched my thoughts - very playful, very exploratory - wander from idea to idea. I was well received at an audition today - in fact, I got a call back session in the same day! I felt really at ease out and about today, as if I could just drive up the Pacific Coast Highway for hours or just as much head home and nude sunbathe and lie down for a needed nap. Which I did. Of note is my reaction to a disagreement I had with a loved one: instead of fighting and getting all "loud" and "aggressive" as I do most of the time, I let it go. Not the emotions, but the subject. It seemed so much easier to just let it go. As if moving on would be the path of least resistance. This is notable because I am a fighter and almost always push a little harder in order to "make things right".

I am truly exhausted, though, on this cleanse, not having solid food for this entire week. Hey, maybe that's a lot like being a planet not having a solid center! I'm so Jupiter, I feel like anything is possible. Even likely.

That feeling is worth the study alone. There is something so peaceful in freedom. My lingering question for today's study, though, is what does thunder have to do with expansiveness?

Mercury Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-25T04:03:00.000-05:00

On your mark, get set � go. If Mercury is on my side today, Wednesday, then I will be able to write this so fast and so clear and so effective. Go!

I don't have an orange rock. That was just one of the ritual tools that I was unprepared with. So I chose chrysicola because it really works with the throat. And sure, a lot of really grand communication (though obviously not spelling) occurred today. I signed a contract that I am really excited about. I heard from the publisher with forward momentum. I cracked whips at an audition, and was called in specifically for another. I'm reading a script. I finished my taxes. These are all very fast, clear and effective communications. I had very little self awareness. I was a tool for communication. I was the messenger.

I danced. My metabolism caught up to itself today and conserved the calories. Wearing lavender is a clear headed high. And it rained, which is quite of note in LA, but less so recently, as I think we are becoming a sub-tropical climate.

Over and out. Blessed be

Mars Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-24T02:26:00.005-05:00

"Self-portrait of Mars" (1915) Otto Dix as Mars God of war, chaos within self key to growth and creativity, fragmentation, rotation of stars, rearing horse, crest of antique helmut superimposed on own helmut, mingling of basic elements earth, air, fir, water.

Saturday = Saturn Day.

Sunday = Sun Day.

Monday = Moon Day.

Etymology was obvious relating the planets to their days, almost convincing me there was actually something to this weekly measurement of time. But then Tuesday, like a stump in the middle of the road. Or that horrible pothole on Highland swallowing Smart Cars and Vespas alike (and jarring classic Riviera's suspension into it's mechanical skull). It's suddenly Tuesday and now I'm really not buying that Mars really has anything to with Tuesday. Still, I commit myself to the work.

Quite a pleasing Magistery of Mars under my tongue. Meditation was almost impossible, so I mostly laid there with this Red Jasper between my legs thinking about what I wanted to do today. Realizing that I have no goals. It feels very foreign and limiting to me to consider setting one. But I do everyday without thinking bout it: I want to see beauty, I want to laugh a lot, I want to make my appointment - I want to be on this cleanse, not eating food, another week.

Wow, am I sensitive right now.

I wore red and Thyme oil. As they write on the Vegan House's menu, "how spicy!". How spicy was the cinnamon in my mukuna, maca, carob, hemp, honey, orchid vanilla bean meal I imbibed. Whew. You gotta sit down.

I had to sit down today because life threw itself forcefully at me and I was annoyed and frustrated and really wanted to be alone. Much of the little I attempted failed in my eyes. I spent 20 min at a post office to find out I can't get my postcard stamps there. So I spent an hour at the other post office to find out they just sold out. So I leave and find a $50 parking ticket for an expired meter on my car. Why did the post office take so long, anyway. That lady is driving with her little accessory-dog on her lap and making some really inattentive moves right in front of me. One of my hard-to-find 5 gallon glass water containers showed algae growing inSide. Well, that's cool, but I don't think I'm gonna drink from it. Wow, I only got to keep 30% of my paycheck when all the representation commissions and payroll taxes are taken out. Wow � as a business owner I have to pay City Business Tax but can't take my IRA deduction any more? That's today. I only treated one woman poorly and for that I am thankful. She was elegant and I was angrily subdued.

Oh, according to the trusted universally-sourced Wikipedia;

"the etymology of Tuesday derives from the Old English "Tiwesd�g" and literally means "Tiw's Day"[1]. Tiw is the Old English form of the Proto-Germanic god *T�waz, or T�r in Norse, a god of war and law[2][3]. In the Indic languages of Pali and Sanskrit, as well as in Thailand, the name of the day is taken from Angaraka ('one who is red in colour')[4] a style (manner of address) for Mangala, the god of war, and for Mars, the red planet."

Really? The name of Tuesday in many dissimilar languages means red, war, law and specifically Mars. Really?

I gave and received massages tonite. I can see early I am going to need to work with my Mars energy. The spagyaric study says it and I get it: I get that an off-balance Mars energy does not mean I need more Venus. It means I need spend even more time with Mars. What seems like too much, is only too much poorly applied.

Ready, set � grow.

Vegan Wine EcoHearth Column

2010-02-23T15:10:00.002-05:00

"Tonya Kay's a vegan," my girlfriend says to her farm-town mother on the telephone.

"What is that?" her mother innocently responds.

"Someone who can't eat meat, milk or eggs."

"Is she seeing a doctor for that?"

Oh, bless the small-town folk who haven't yet heard the word vegan! I wanted to shout out loud after my girlfriend told me this story, "Actually, I�m not seeing a doctor for that - and that�s the point!" But that's not the point of this particular blog entry. The point is that the most common definition of vegan remains 'someone who doesn�t consume meat, milk or eggs'. I have been a vegan for 15 years and, even in my opinion, that is still the basic requirement before claiming the title. Read more...

Moon Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-23T00:33:00.003-05:00

Moon Dance artwork by the famous Ray Holt - own it

All day I wished it was Sun day. It's like I was in denial that it was now Monday, or Moon day, and I was reluctant to face the painful truth: I was not shining now. I was receiving. All day it really did seem as if I was ultra sensitive. I could hear so well. And my intuitive powers, which are usually pretty present, had spiked. And my sensitivity to liquids - I consumed all liquids - was rapid and revealing.

I did enjoy many coconuts' water today. Especially noted is my receptivity to coconut water. And let me add that I have upped the anti of this spagyric study exponentially by intentionally starting my meditations while on the last week of a four week cleanse. I have gradually, over the past four weeks, eaten one less meal/day and now, the final week, I am eating no fiber at all. And I am insteading taking some pretty amazing doses of herbs and minerals including zeolites, schizandra berry, reishi mushroom, mukuna bean, vanilla orchid pod, maca, ginseng, pau d'arco and dandelion. Today, was the first day of abstaining from all food. What an absurd internal panic I had at 3pm. I'm fingering my amethyst rock all day in my pocket, wearing purple, driving purple, thinking purple, breathing narcissus essential oil and wishing it was Sun day rather than Moon day, super sensitized by the cleanse and by the planet. Pretty intense today. Someone told me I look tired.

Sun day felt so effortlessly productive! Moon day felt sensitized to the smallest things to the point of being a mind reader and nuisanced by it. The salvia spagyric magistery under my tongue tasted obscenely delicious. And the spirit of the plant was a supporting character to the lead role something delicious played in my mouth, lingering quite long enough to flavor the perfect-length meditation and continued into waking walking return.

I really felt my third-eye reaching out for things. And I must be honest, I was quite reluctant to give it unbridled freedom. Is there some kind of psychic censoring we do as humans in order to live amongst one another? Do we dumb our third-eye down in order to allow our encountered relations spiritual privacy? Is this loss of the 6th sense a tabu-enforced form of civil respect? Kinda like living in the city with your bedroom window 10 feet away from your neighbor's kitchen. And neither of you likes to pull drapes. And you expect, even though you are in plain obvious view, that your neighbor will not stare and actually look away if he sees you running around in panties or changing outfits or exiting the shower. That's unspoken city neighbor etiquette. Maybe it's unspoken third-eye privacy etiquette, too.

Well � that's Moon day for ya: it was easy to meditate (which isn't always the case for me), I could hear really well, I wanted to sleep a lot, I received a sum of money, I received a gift in the mail, I received an amazing Lover, I received two job inquiries and one ground breaking suggestion.

Moon day, for all intensive purposes seemed quite good to me. But why did I feel like I had to keep the reigns on?

Sun Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-22T00:07:00.005-05:00

Moon and Sun oil on canvass by Sheryl Humphrey - own it!

I have to be honest. I don't get the week thing. Days are obvious: the sun repeats its light course in this period. Seems useful to annotate time using days. I understand that the next natural cycle of time annotation would be 28 days - the length of time the moon takes to repeat it's phase (not path, though) and 28 days is a month. Oh, wait: sometimes it is 30. And sometimes it's 31. That part is explained by religious force interfering with human common sense to acknowledge nature's obviousness. Hey, a year is pretty good in terms of time annotation, too. And those Equinoxes and Solstices marking turning points of the yearly cycle (in my opinion, obvious celebration days). But c'mon, what's all this about a week?

I am doing a self-initiate spagyric study right now. Not the study of alchemically producing spagyrics (Al-Qemi has taken care of that part of this work). Rather, I am studying the planets' effects on me personally. In my opinion, it's more like studying a new language. And I'm using spagyarics, meditation, raw foods, rocks, colors, dance and journaling to facilitate. The only hard part is relating a planetary energy to a day of the week though, because ... I don't believe in weeks.

Oh, I believe in weeks alright. Like a Chaote: "Nothing is true. Everything is permitted." After all, if I wanna play the human society game (which I do), then it behoves me to be at the filming studio at the agreed upon call time. But week's are otherwise entirely arbitrary to me. And I'd like to hear any explanation as to why the week consists of 7 days. After all, nature is the obvious time keeper and nature repeats nothing, to my knowledge, every 7 days. And please, if you think you know, why are most days so specifically named for a planetary archetype? I mean, I am following the rules of study here, but they just don't make sense. Why was today Sun day? The sun shines every day (in Los Angeles)! And there are more than 7 planets. In a way, this spagyric study is starting on like raw foods. I remember the day I woke up to the convenience store system and thought to myself as I and a friend stared at shelves of non-food sale items intended for ingestion, "Why does this exist?" I woke up and stepped outside of the convenience system. And subsequently the Western Medical system, the perscription drug system and the food pyramid system, too. Spagyric study is waking me up to the fact that I am choosing to make weeks work, just because everyone else does. I feel like I am breaking the time system just a little bit here. Has anyone ever seen the Luna Press calendar that I have hanging in my house? Notice something? No weeks!

Okay ... okay. My Sun Shadows journal. Let's get to work: Today was Sun day. I meditated with citrine on my heart chakra, bathed in warming rosemary essential oil, wore yellow beads around my neck, placed the Sun Magistry under my tongue, walked outside feeling sun warm my bare skin, drank desert fruit juice for two meals and skryed the sunset. Noteworthy occurrences: everyone I passed on Hollywood Blvd looked at me like I was just the precious child to hold and love. Like I was shining some confident light or something. That dirty dread locked homeless dude smellin' real bad and that perky white couple walking from the farmer's market with flowers in their hands and even that 7 foot bald, black man looking all menacing in his mechanic jumper - even he smiled at me precious-like. And the tap film I choreographed and effectively A.D.ed for today - it wrapped hours under time. Unheard of! The shoot went so easily. I felt like there was exceptional rep between the crew, star Carol Lawrence and I.

There. I did my shadow keeping. But I still don't get the whole concept of a week annotating time. Good thing I don't have to understand. Good magick isn't based on what one understands, it's based on what works.

Saturn Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-21T01:52:00.003-05:00

Saturn day. Saturday. Spagyric study on Saturn day.

I meditate with black obsidian at my base chakra and I eat specifically of the fermented variety. The earthy, woodsy scent of Vetiver on my pulse points and reishi mushroom, growing so close to the ground, grounding me and drawing me into myself with firm root.

This is only a short, abstract journal entry to document my intentional spiritual working for the day. Saturn's usual inward intensity is quite regulated this time. I feel collected. I feel deep. I feel condensed. I feel balanced. If there is anything noteworthy to record today it is ... I'm feeling really good. That's about all. And if that's all, I guess my spiritual study is right on. On a Saturn day.

Feel good.