journal creature

Sun Shadows: Rock Dust Experiments Hollywood, CA

2010-03-08T02:20:00.003-05:00

I thought about how fun it is to sing and dance all day today.

I sang and danced all day today.

The musical comedy I am rehearsing right now did our first run through today and even after only 5 days of rehearsal, some of the material went over only once before the run through, it went slamingly well. It went well because everyone is a pro. And they love singing and dancing, and acting wild and untamed emotionally, though extraordinarily well adjusted, without limits. Living without limits. Everything is possible. In the theatre, everything is possible. Bless the stage.

I thought a bit about radiation, too. It being Sunday and all. And how I started putting 3 quarts of British Columbian green glacial moraine rock dust next to my apartment's wify router to measure, with my tri-field electro-magnetic frequency meter if the radiation dropped off any shorter than the usual 'danger zone' 5 ft radius. It did. So I left it there, thinking I was doing myself a HUGE favor, using rock dust to effectively block the little radiation I was responsible for in my home. The internet reception went down to zilch. I couldn't load online anymore. The information is the radiation. Everything radiates. You radiate.

Sunday.

Anyway, I moved that rock dust to the side and the internet worked only slightly better. So the rock dust did not have to actually be between myself and my wify router. It had to be anywhere in close proximity. It ABSORBED the radiation. Radiation and this rock dust like each other. The are on complimentary waves. Maybe the rock dust is helping energy waves transmute if they want to. The almost always want to.

I filled a couple test tubes with rock dust and keep'em in my glass water bottle. Imagine. I have proof, now imagine drinking it. I am 80% water, after all. Imagine all this consciousness and effectiveness and attention going into a flowing 80% of my being.

I throw a clear or rose quartz into the water, too, for the exact same purpose only in reverse.

Venus Shadows: Allowance Hollywood, CA

2010-03-05T23:19:00.003-05:00

Friday is Freyja's day etymologically. Freyja is an ancient Norse Goddess associated with love, beauty and fertility. The Germanic languages including Dutch, Old High German, Modern German, Old Norse, Swedish, Danish and Norwegian all name this day of the week after Freyja.

The Goddess Freyja coincidentally (or not so) resembles the Roman Goddess, Venus, also principally associated with love, beauty and fertility. The word venus stemming from the verb "venerari" which means to try to please. So Venus, the Roman Goddess, was the archetype of veneration and was venerated therefore. The Romance languages; French, Spanish, Italian, Catalan, Corsican and Romanian, all name this day of the week after Venus.

In most Indian languages, Friday is named Shukravar, which is the Sanskrit name for the planet Venus.

The astronomical symbol of the planet Venus is the symbol used for the female sex. The planet Venus is visible from earth, and undergoes cyclical visual phases like our moon, often called the Morning Star and then the Evening Star within another part of it's planetary journey. Originally, the many cultures whom studied this planet's path movement through the heavens, believed it to be two separate planets. The Greek eventually realized that the planet was one in the same and named the single planet after their Goddess of love, Aphrodite. It is my belief that it is Venus's original separate nature, becoming one in human consciousness that earned the planet the archetype of love. The Romans obviously are responsible for renaming the Goddess, the planet and the day of the week for their Goddess of Love, Venus, which we still adhere to today.

Venus and the Earth are almost identical in size and mass. Often, they are called "sister" or "twin" planets. Which I find very loving as well:-) The Mayans based their religious calendar in part on Venus's motions, looked towards this planet for propitious timing of important events.

Today must be important. Because it was Friday. The day of the week related to love, beauty and fertility. The planet I am aligning myself with today is Venus.

I can't choose green for the color of Venus energies, when pink is so obviously more potent. The heart chakra is a definite spinning focal point and Peach essential oil embodied my focus on pure beauty in a scentual manner. Noteworthy markers for this day of the week included getting an extreme amount of unrest due to noise from my neighbors last nite and feeling exhausted all day long at rehearsal because of it. I forwent my usual ballet barre warm up, my vocal warm up, and my food preparation, too. I usually exercise, stretch, do sit ups and push ups during down time at rehearsal, and go over what I learned the day prior, but again, I found myself mostly retreating to the floor, with my feet up and closing my eyes as much as possible during down time. It was a really hard day energetically. But my mind still took in a massive amount of new material and I did not feel agitated due to exhaustion, but rather passive and in general; slower. I did not work for either of my companies on my lunch break. I did receive interest in a really cool commercial booking, though - a project I really hope I can be a part of and accept a booking for this weekend. I also received two scripts for my consideration today, which I am anxious to read: one for the tv pilot I am shooting next week and one an original screenplay by a valued friend. I'm going to bed early.

As vulnerable as I felt today, I have to honestly say that the Venus energy allowed me to not resist, but find peace in that enervated state. And the brief, meditative experience at the onset of my day, when still in bed with sheets warm from my own body surrounding me, I placed three drops of Rose spagyric magestery under my tongue, was the most impacting moment of the entire day. Communing with these magesteries has become a vital centering moment of my mornings. A spiritual commitment before dream residue has evaporated into Beta waves. In the shamanistic sense of the term, alchemical spagyrics have become medicine for me. Plant-perfected teachers, teaching what I intend to learn.

Jupiter Shadows: Dream Journaling Hollywood, CA

2010-03-05T02:02:00.003-05:00

Jupiter returns on Thor's day, or Thursday, to my consciousness again. And I do a day-long meditation on what characteristics are present in this day of the week. As I mentioned a few days ago, I am beginning to feel a nice flow of intuition in my magickal associations with reference to this spagyric study and today, I noticed again that I replaced a few of the suggested associations for colors, rocks, and ideas more personal to me.

When my great grandmother, Theodessa (to whom I feel a strong direct genetic heritage), I remember books she had held onto surfacing and being offered to me; "This was your great gramma's - do you want to read it?". Apparently, no one else did. I read them. Books on numerology, books on science and religion, and my favorite; books on dream interpretation. At that time in my teenage life, I had been working successfully with lucid dreaming and out of body experiences, as is quite natural for teen agers to successfully do, and was impressed that my great grandma had at least at one time in her 92 years enjoyed similar subjects.

Perhaps the subject of dream interpretation was still undeveloped at the time of publishing for the book of hers I then held in my hands. Or the author was of a different, more dogmatic, black-and-white consciousness school. But this one book in particular was of the sort that lists a reference like: SNAKE as the dream subject, then suggests a catch-all meaning like: male phallus or something (often Freudian) like that.

But I had already developed a very personal dialogue with my subconscious through dream journaling, group hypnosis and guided out of body meditations and I felt the truth of economics: statistics can predict an entire race's favorite color in the year 2012 with almost unerring accuracy. But economics fails miserably when applied to an individual's favorite color in the year 2012. It is next to impossible to predict, in fact, an individual's favorite color in the year 2012. Generalizations, economics and Freudian dream interpretation books may be the tools of Consciousness, but not the tools of the Subconscious.

I had dreamed of a PURPLE GORILLA ON THE RAMPAGE the nite before, so I thumbed through the book and ... not only was PURPLE GORILLA ON THE RAMPAGE missing entirely, but the simplified GORILLA interpretation was supposed to mean certain "friendship". Now, c'mon. What if I had had a really horrible experience with a gorilla at the Toledo Zoo when I was an infant? Or what if I was a director at the Performing Animal Welfare Society and rescued/rehabilitated gorillas from zoos at my sanctuary like they were my own children? The key to the subconscious, which is where the language of symbol is stored (and I am of the opinion that reality is purely symbols) lies in the axiom, Know ThySelf.

There is no book that knows your subconscious, no doctor that knows your body, no mentor that knows your inner most workings better than you could. Let the books, the doctors, the mentors be starting points, guides and points of reference for your own integral work - vital work - required work to write your own Book of the Law, Book of Shadows, Self-Healing Manual, Dream Interpretation Reference Guide.

So today, I felt that Jupiter was greener than bluer in symbolic color. And more Agate than Optical Selenite in rock energy. I found the Crown chakra to be accurate in relating to the expansive nature of this massive planet's pure gaseous composition. And the alchemic spagyric magestery of Melissa tasted so good underneath my tongue, first thing in the morning, before even a sip of water to break my nite's fast, that I fell back asleep temporarily, contemplating how big Jupiter's Thursday was going to be for me. Holding onto the shape of Jupiter in my subconscious and owning this page of personal interpretation in my record keeping book. People seemed so massive today. As if we all were relating on an archetypal level as Gods and Goddesses to one another. Communication seemed powerful and concise. I negotiated a contract. I accepted a booking. I was offered a ticket to my own screening. I took in gigantic amounts of performance material with ease. And the tempo seemed just right. Like the PURPLE GORILLA ON THE RAMPAGE was whom I was and always wanted to be.

What interpretation book can do this work for me?

Mercury Shadows: Interconnection Hollywood, CA

2010-03-04T01:21:00.003-05:00

I have a special affinity for Mercury. A special place in my heart for the messenger. The strong mind, the adaptability, the universality, the fluency of networking, communication and psychic outreach that keeps all of us and everything interconnected. Whether we know it or not. I have a special affinity for Mercury.

And today, my second Wednesday in the spagyric study, I realized something: I am doing more than creating a language of planetary energies. I am observing a natural, regenerative cycle of consciousness. These energies represented and influenced by the planets are not just symbols. They are living archetypes inside each of us with consciousness. Or at least myself. I can't speak for anyone else. But I can see a pattern of progression through each planetary energy as if it were living consciousness itself. Each planet vital, with it's faults leading to the development of the next planet's (day's) opportunities.

Wednesday is a very neutral day. It's the middle day. It's the "hump" day. It's the day of interconnectedness in the middle of my week.

Mars Shadows: Aspecting Something? Hollywood, CA

2010-03-03T01:45:00.002-05:00

Whew! Life is delightfully unexpected! Today is my first repeat of a Tuesday, which is the day of the week related to the Mars planetary energy, since the beginning of my alchemic spagyric study. I seem to have a lot of confidence and direction on Mars days - qualities I often relate more to Sun energy. Only this confidence and direction is indeed not so gentle, but almost more like I know exactly what I want and I'm going for it. Mars is like the Sun, but with unquestionable authority!

I have been writing down noteworthy occurrences in order to note any patterns in tangible, daylight activity. And I've forgotten to write something this entire study time, that seems important now: I break glass things about 3 times per week. Every week. It pains me so because I love glass! I choose it over plastic for environmental and organic aesthetic purposes always. And it shatters in my very fingers, I drop in on the floor, in fact, if I look at glass the wrong way it breaks from my gaze only. I swear, I'm not making this up. It's worth noting: me and glass are not Lovers. Though I do so wish I had the touch of a mother, I guess Mars and I don't win when it comes to glass.

Mars usually wins, though:-) I think I have a lot of Mars energy. And hey, even if you don't win, the game is more fun if you tell others you are going to so they get scared and throw their poker faces away prematurely. This is only a tactic in gaming if you actually don't care if you win or not. Play like you do and you are certain the winner is you. But just for fun.

Today I was given a compliment that mattered. Today I played with whips and it felt so good. Today I began a rehearsal process with a group of extraordinarily talented and welcoming people. Today I attended a dear friend's 30th birthday part. Today I was offered a contract for a writing project that I've really been investing my care into for literally years. Today I have an opportunity to perform a role I really, really want to feel what it's like to play, if the universe will allow a slight schedule shift. Today I wept every time someone wasn't looking. What's up with Mars day?

And in the end, I must ask ... if I am using spagyrics, crystals, raw foods, ritual, color, intention and art to develop a magickal language based in planetary correspondence to the days of the week, am I to believe that the actual astrological transits and aspects exerting their in time influence on my little ant life are somehow outweighed by the fact that Tiw was the ancient Greek God of War, for which this day of the week is named and therefor everything is to relate to the planet, Mars, who shares this war-like energy on this day each week? My astrological moon is in Mars, by the way. Maybe that's why I feel so confident when I'm feeling war-like.

Just documenting. What a day. Tuesday.

Eco-Concious Wine is Best Above All EcoHearth Column

2010-03-02T15:54:00.002-05:00

Some select the foods they eat based on taste. Some are trying to affect their body image. Others make food choices based purely on convenience. Children often don�t get to choose at all; they eat what they are given. The reasons for food selection are as numerous as the stars in the sky. One thing is certain: to those of us living in the United States, at least, it is a choice.
Read more...

Moon Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-03-02T04:04:00.000-05:00

And with the full moon comes the blood. Moon day. Monday.

Sun Shadows: The Jasmine Is Outside My Window Hollywood, CA

2010-03-01T02:50:00.003-05:00

In astronomy, "occult" means to conceal a celestial body, apparently by a smaller body, from view by passing or being in front of it. Like an eclipse, for example. Occult is to hide. The occult is the hidden. But maybe there is only a small thing doing the hiding.

My cleanse got the best of me the past two days. The last week of four, each week consecutively reducing solid food intake by one meal until the final week, no food at all. Meanwhile, ultra-liquifying with juices, coconut water and wheatgrass grown in my window, sometimes in the moonlight. In addition to ultra-upping to what amounts to massive quantities of activating herbs by this final week. All plans were flexible to change and I'm glad, because they did. Is it safe here to say I had no energy? I was surprised to actually loose vision and hearing repeatedly for two days here. Yes, I was feeling light and quite � ultra-clean. My dreams were almost waking. And my fire, which I rely on to steer this bird, entirely subdued. In order for this cleanse to physically do what I had intended it to do and is it safe to say here this cleanse was successful. Mucoloid plaque, which builds up (now I know) in even the longest term vegetarian's intestines, preventing those life nutrients from absorbing fully and like watching too much tv, even if it is on a computer screen, dulls our human potential. Mine came out. A lot of it did, I'm hoping all. It was something hidden inside my own body, from my own consciousness, something occult, and I have just performed, to me, the most magickal of operations. Yes, my dreams skyrocketed. Yes, my sensitivity to energetic influences blossomed opened wide. Yes, I was face to face with what could not be denied. And the magick was in the cleanse.

As Fever Ray says, "It ain't over. I'm not done."

I returned yesterday to small amounts of solid food, wishing to have (cleaner than) normal functioning capacity for my tv series pilot presentation shoot tomorrow and reputed live LA resident musical theatre rehearsals beginning Tuesday. Now is the perfect time to reflect on my spagyric study as it continues into it's 2nd week.

The 2nd week of Al-Qemi's Tools for Transformation alchemic spagyric study is a continuance of the first, but this time getting to note my first patterns based on days of the week, decidedly representing planetary energies. Again, my goal in this study is to create a planetary language I can utilize in the future. Already it's turning out to be much more and different than I had expected.

Yes, Friday, which is Venus's day, my first repeat day, did indeed again fill me with a peaceful desire, acceptance of others and maturity. This is becoming my Venus. Saturday, which is Saturn's day, again was an effortless day where I just plain felt 'alright'. I had a finely tuned and deeply pitched true dream. This is becoming my Saturn. And today, Sunday, the Sun's day, again people smiled gentle-like at me to and from the farmer's market. I felt confident in what I was giving to the world. This is my Sun.

Now I'm sure that every individual responds quite differently to the planets' weekly influences, according to how those planets originally set up her playing board at birth, what she's done with it since, and what angles the planets are set up with in the sky even this moment. In the end, I'm really studying me, not the planets. What else, really, can we study? As long as you are alive, you are �

The surprising emergence in my second week of pattern gathering in the spagyric study is not so much revealed in happenings (yet), but my own psychology. I seem to be developing already an intimate relationship with the planetary energies and instead of following the rules, I am improving upon them. For example, I work the planet's corresponding color into my day any way I can - by wearing that color, by choosing a rock perhaps that color and fingering it all day, by eating foods that color if appropriate, by making note of how much the color is like the planet I am featuring every time I see it in my world. Well, Friday's Venus likes the color green. Venus rules the heart, green is the color of the heart's chakra, and I have plenty of green stones. But intuitively, I knew pink was the color of Venus and the heart to me. So I picked up my Fuschite, Chrysicola, Peacock Copper AND my Rose Quartz. And throughout the day, Rose Quartz won out, far more powerful for that day of the week. That day. But now I do get how green and pink are alike. And they are both permitted, but neither true. Pink worked.

Saturn's scent for Saturday was recorded as rotten or fermented. And oh, being an avid fermentalist myself, I do recognize the drawing in energy, the focalizing, the narrowing of the fermented scent. But to me, specifically, Saturn's introspective and judgmental tendencies can indeed be quite heavy when saturated, but this inner scrutiny can also smell sexy like jasmine, thick and perverted, obscured somewhere and scenting everywhere - where is the jasmine I smell? Saturn, for me, can be like the narcissus flower opening, beaconing for self-perfection, self-respect and self-love. Why should Saturn smell fermented and rotten when sometimes, surely she smells hypnotizingly luscious. Narcissus oil, rather than the Carrot Seed oil worked.

I'm only concerned about what works. I'm not concerned about anything else right now.

Cleansing works. I am pure occult in my study of the ultra-hidden truths. And developing my personal relationship to a planetary energy is the gnosis I desired which as revealed it's presence to me as well.

Today, on the Sun's day, I broke cleanse by walking in the Sun, wearing bright yellow, at the farmer's market, eating fresh cherimoya and blueberries. I set a bucket of water on my rooftop for 3 hours, allowing the Sun's light to penetrate the water, then wiped the floor of every corner in my home with a cloth dipped in Sun water. I sunbathed nude in the late afternoon rays. I chose Iron Pyrite, even though Citrine is the obvious rock of choice. And what a unique Sun day to study, when the full Moon exposed itself on the horizon and I was compelled to honor both the Sun for the day and the Moon for the month at the same time. Performing a nailed Defixio and Derive (as found in Patrick Dunn's Magic, Power, Language and Symbol: A Magician's Exploration of Linguistics), dancing, Moon bathing, and anointing with Moon water.

There are endless movements and they make up a lifelong dance. The more muscles the dancer can become intimate with, the fully the being experiences the motion. The experience is fully conscious. Do not mistake this for meaning.

black and white artwork by Jason Cole

Jupiter Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-25T20:21:00.004-05:00

Thursday. Thor's day. Thor is a Norse god derived from a Proto-Germanic god of thunder, Thunaraz. Germanic languages Danish, Norweigan, German, Dutch and Swedish all name this day after Thor, the god of thunder.

The Romance languages - Italian, French, Spanish, Catalan, and Romanian name this day of the week after Jupiter, also the god of thunder.

In the Hindu religion, this day derives from the word Guru, the Sanskrit name for Jupiter, the largest of planets.

Jupiter, the planet, is special in our solar system because it is the largest of them all - visible in daylight, even, when the sun is low. It has a whopping 63 moons and even more exciting, is that our solar system's largest planet is composed not of solid matter, but of about 90% hydrogen and 10% helium. In astrology, I've often wondered why Jupiter correlates to "expansiveness", "prosperity", the "urge for freedom and exploration" and general merrymaking. I can see now why the largest planet composed of ever-shifting gasses would exert quite an expansive energy towards us on the earth planet. And hey, the word jovial is the adjective form of Jupiter, which means to be "happy" or "merry".

This is not new stuff here. We just walk around calling it Thursday. Maybe there is something deeper going on.

But in contradiction, let me also assert that the 7 day calendar is not the only calendar in use. The 7 day week is indeed arbitrary, as Ancient Egypt had a 10 day week, Nigeria's Igbo have a 4 day week, ancient Celts had a 9 nite week and as I mentioned before, I have a current lunar calendar that has no weeks at all, just a spiraling month composed of 28 days. I prefer this calendar very much to my right-angle boxed, lined up day iCal calendar, let me tell you. Consciousness needs more spirals.

So it is today (isn't it everyday?). And we call today Thursday. I am relating Thursday to Jupiter in order to take notes on any patterns Thursdays, or Jupiter, holds for me. My goal is to create a new magickal language.

Blue is the suggested color of Jupiter's magickal correspondence, but for some reason, my gut feels it should be green. Green seems like the most expansive color to me. Or maybe I'm just a nature idealist, but everywhere I look, green is a blessing, it is a "go", it is the color of our paper currency, it is the mineral-rich food that enters my body. So I kept both blue and green at hand today, wearing blue, meditating with peacock ore on my crown chakra and juicing oodles of kale, dandelion, and blue-green algae on this ultra-sensitve last week of my four week cleanse. I even chose to palm a marble, rather than a rock, all day today because it was blue and green and made to look like a little Earth. I held the world in my hands today:-)

I took the alchemic spagyric Jupiter magistery under my tongue and watched my thoughts - very playful, very exploratory - wander from idea to idea. I was well received at an audition today - in fact, I got a call back session in the same day! I felt really at ease out and about today, as if I could just drive up the Pacific Coast Highway for hours or just as much head home and nude sunbathe and lie down for a needed nap. Which I did. Of note is my reaction to a disagreement I had with a loved one: instead of fighting and getting all "loud" and "aggressive" as I do most of the time, I let it go. Not the emotions, but the subject. It seemed so much easier to just let it go. As if moving on would be the path of least resistance. This is notable because I am a fighter and almost always push a little harder in order to "make things right".

I am truly exhausted, though, on this cleanse, not having solid food for this entire week. Hey, maybe that's a lot like being a planet not having a solid center! I'm so Jupiter, I feel like anything is possible. Even likely.

That feeling is worth the study alone. There is something so peaceful in freedom. My lingering question for today's study, though, is what does thunder have to do with expansiveness?

Mercury Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-25T04:03:00.000-05:00

On your mark, get set � go. If Mercury is on my side today, Wednesday, then I will be able to write this so fast and so clear and so effective. Go!

I don't have an orange rock. That was just one of the ritual tools that I was unprepared with. So I chose chrysicola because it really works with the throat. And sure, a lot of really grand communication (though obviously not spelling) occurred today. I signed a contract that I am really excited about. I heard from the publisher with forward momentum. I cracked whips at an audition, and was called in specifically for another. I'm reading a script. I finished my taxes. These are all very fast, clear and effective communications. I had very little self awareness. I was a tool for communication. I was the messenger.

I danced. My metabolism caught up to itself today and conserved the calories. Wearing lavender is a clear headed high. And it rained, which is quite of note in LA, but less so recently, as I think we are becoming a sub-tropical climate.

Over and out. Blessed be

Mars Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-24T02:26:00.005-05:00

"Self-portrait of Mars" (1915) Otto Dix as Mars God of war, chaos within self key to growth and creativity, fragmentation, rotation of stars, rearing horse, crest of antique helmut superimposed on own helmut, mingling of basic elements earth, air, fir, water.

Saturday = Saturn Day.

Sunday = Sun Day.

Monday = Moon Day.

Etymology was obvious relating the planets to their days, almost convincing me there was actually something to this weekly measurement of time. But then Tuesday, like a stump in the middle of the road. Or that horrible pothole on Highland swallowing Smart Cars and Vespas alike (and jarring classic Riviera's suspension into it's mechanical skull). It's suddenly Tuesday and now I'm really not buying that Mars really has anything to with Tuesday. Still, I commit myself to the work.

Quite a pleasing Magistery of Mars under my tongue. Meditation was almost impossible, so I mostly laid there with this Red Jasper between my legs thinking about what I wanted to do today. Realizing that I have no goals. It feels very foreign and limiting to me to consider setting one. But I do everyday without thinking bout it: I want to see beauty, I want to laugh a lot, I want to make my appointment - I want to be on this cleanse, not eating food, another week.

Wow, am I sensitive right now.

I wore red and Thyme oil. As they write on the Vegan House's menu, "how spicy!". How spicy was the cinnamon in my mukuna, maca, carob, hemp, honey, orchid vanilla bean meal I imbibed. Whew. You gotta sit down.

I had to sit down today because life threw itself forcefully at me and I was annoyed and frustrated and really wanted to be alone. Much of the little I attempted failed in my eyes. I spent 20 min at a post office to find out I can't get my postcard stamps there. So I spent an hour at the other post office to find out they just sold out. So I leave and find a $50 parking ticket for an expired meter on my car. Why did the post office take so long, anyway. That lady is driving with her little accessory-dog on her lap and making some really inattentive moves right in front of me. One of my hard-to-find 5 gallon glass water containers showed algae growing inSide. Well, that's cool, but I don't think I'm gonna drink from it. Wow, I only got to keep 30% of my paycheck when all the representation commissions and payroll taxes are taken out. Wow � as a business owner I have to pay City Business Tax but can't take my IRA deduction any more? That's today. I only treated one woman poorly and for that I am thankful. She was elegant and I was angrily subdued.

Oh, according to the trusted universally-sourced Wikipedia;

"the etymology of Tuesday derives from the Old English "Tiwesd�g" and literally means "Tiw's Day"[1]. Tiw is the Old English form of the Proto-Germanic god *T�waz, or T�r in Norse, a god of war and law[2][3]. In the Indic languages of Pali and Sanskrit, as well as in Thailand, the name of the day is taken from Angaraka ('one who is red in colour')[4] a style (manner of address) for Mangala, the god of war, and for Mars, the red planet."

Really? The name of Tuesday in many dissimilar languages means red, war, law and specifically Mars. Really?

I gave and received massages tonite. I can see early I am going to need to work with my Mars energy. The spagyaric study says it and I get it: I get that an off-balance Mars energy does not mean I need more Venus. It means I need spend even more time with Mars. What seems like too much, is only too much poorly applied.

Ready, set � grow.

Vegan Wine EcoHearth Column

2010-02-23T15:10:00.002-05:00

"Tonya Kay's a vegan," my girlfriend says to her farm-town mother on the telephone.

"What is that?" her mother innocently responds.

"Someone who can't eat meat, milk or eggs."

"Is she seeing a doctor for that?"

Oh, bless the small-town folk who haven't yet heard the word vegan! I wanted to shout out loud after my girlfriend told me this story, "Actually, I�m not seeing a doctor for that - and that�s the point!" But that's not the point of this particular blog entry. The point is that the most common definition of vegan remains 'someone who doesn�t consume meat, milk or eggs'. I have been a vegan for 15 years and, even in my opinion, that is still the basic requirement before claiming the title. Read more...

Moon Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-23T00:33:00.003-05:00

Moon Dance artwork by the famous Ray Holt - own it

All day I wished it was Sun day. It's like I was in denial that it was now Monday, or Moon day, and I was reluctant to face the painful truth: I was not shining now. I was receiving. All day it really did seem as if I was ultra sensitive. I could hear so well. And my intuitive powers, which are usually pretty present, had spiked. And my sensitivity to liquids - I consumed all liquids - was rapid and revealing.

I did enjoy many coconuts' water today. Especially noted is my receptivity to coconut water. And let me add that I have upped the anti of this spagyric study exponentially by intentionally starting my meditations while on the last week of a four week cleanse. I have gradually, over the past four weeks, eaten one less meal/day and now, the final week, I am eating no fiber at all. And I am insteading taking some pretty amazing doses of herbs and minerals including zeolites, schizandra berry, reishi mushroom, mukuna bean, vanilla orchid pod, maca, ginseng, pau d'arco and dandelion. Today, was the first day of abstaining from all food. What an absurd internal panic I had at 3pm. I'm fingering my amethyst rock all day in my pocket, wearing purple, driving purple, thinking purple, breathing narcissus essential oil and wishing it was Sun day rather than Moon day, super sensitized by the cleanse and by the planet. Pretty intense today. Someone told me I look tired.

Sun day felt so effortlessly productive! Moon day felt sensitized to the smallest things to the point of being a mind reader and nuisanced by it. The salvia spagyric magistery under my tongue tasted obscenely delicious. And the spirit of the plant was a supporting character to the lead role something delicious played in my mouth, lingering quite long enough to flavor the perfect-length meditation and continued into waking walking return.

I really felt my third-eye reaching out for things. And I must be honest, I was quite reluctant to give it unbridled freedom. Is there some kind of psychic censoring we do as humans in order to live amongst one another? Do we dumb our third-eye down in order to allow our encountered relations spiritual privacy? Is this loss of the 6th sense a tabu-enforced form of civil respect? Kinda like living in the city with your bedroom window 10 feet away from your neighbor's kitchen. And neither of you likes to pull drapes. And you expect, even though you are in plain obvious view, that your neighbor will not stare and actually look away if he sees you running around in panties or changing outfits or exiting the shower. That's unspoken city neighbor etiquette. Maybe it's unspoken third-eye privacy etiquette, too.

Well � that's Moon day for ya: it was easy to meditate (which isn't always the case for me), I could hear really well, I wanted to sleep a lot, I received a sum of money, I received a gift in the mail, I received an amazing Lover, I received two job inquiries and one ground breaking suggestion.

Moon day, for all intensive purposes seemed quite good to me. But why did I feel like I had to keep the reigns on?

Sun Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-22T00:07:00.005-05:00

Moon and Sun oil on canvass by Sheryl Humphrey - own it!

I have to be honest. I don't get the week thing. Days are obvious: the sun repeats its light course in this period. Seems useful to annotate time using days. I understand that the next natural cycle of time annotation would be 28 days - the length of time the moon takes to repeat it's phase (not path, though) and 28 days is a month. Oh, wait: sometimes it is 30. And sometimes it's 31. That part is explained by religious force interfering with human common sense to acknowledge nature's obviousness. Hey, a year is pretty good in terms of time annotation, too. And those Equinoxes and Solstices marking turning points of the yearly cycle (in my opinion, obvious celebration days). But c'mon, what's all this about a week?

I am doing a self-initiate spagyric study right now. Not the study of alchemically producing spagyrics (Al-Qemi has taken care of that part of this work). Rather, I am studying the planets' effects on me personally. In my opinion, it's more like studying a new language. And I'm using spagyarics, meditation, raw foods, rocks, colors, dance and journaling to facilitate. The only hard part is relating a planetary energy to a day of the week though, because ... I don't believe in weeks.

Oh, I believe in weeks alright. Like a Chaote: "Nothing is true. Everything is permitted." After all, if I wanna play the human society game (which I do), then it behoves me to be at the filming studio at the agreed upon call time. But week's are otherwise entirely arbitrary to me. And I'd like to hear any explanation as to why the week consists of 7 days. After all, nature is the obvious time keeper and nature repeats nothing, to my knowledge, every 7 days. And please, if you think you know, why are most days so specifically named for a planetary archetype? I mean, I am following the rules of study here, but they just don't make sense. Why was today Sun day? The sun shines every day (in Los Angeles)! And there are more than 7 planets. In a way, this spagyric study is starting on like raw foods. I remember the day I woke up to the convenience store system and thought to myself as I and a friend stared at shelves of non-food sale items intended for ingestion, "Why does this exist?" I woke up and stepped outside of the convenience system. And subsequently the Western Medical system, the perscription drug system and the food pyramid system, too. Spagyric study is waking me up to the fact that I am choosing to make weeks work, just because everyone else does. I feel like I am breaking the time system just a little bit here. Has anyone ever seen the Luna Press calendar that I have hanging in my house? Notice something? No weeks!

Okay ... okay. My Sun Shadows journal. Let's get to work: Today was Sun day. I meditated with citrine on my heart chakra, bathed in warming rosemary essential oil, wore yellow beads around my neck, placed the Sun Magistry under my tongue, walked outside feeling sun warm my bare skin, drank desert fruit juice for two meals and skryed the sunset. Noteworthy occurrences: everyone I passed on Hollywood Blvd looked at me like I was just the precious child to hold and love. Like I was shining some confident light or something. That dirty dread locked homeless dude smellin' real bad and that perky white couple walking from the farmer's market with flowers in their hands and even that 7 foot bald, black man looking all menacing in his mechanic jumper - even he smiled at me precious-like. And the tap film I choreographed and effectively A.D.ed for today - it wrapped hours under time. Unheard of! The shoot went so easily. I felt like there was exceptional rep between the crew, star Carol Lawrence and I.

There. I did my shadow keeping. But I still don't get the whole concept of a week annotating time. Good thing I don't have to understand. Good magick isn't based on what one understands, it's based on what works.

Saturn Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-21T01:52:00.003-05:00

Saturn day. Saturday. Spagyric study on Saturn day.

I meditate with black obsidian at my base chakra and I eat specifically of the fermented variety. The earthy, woodsy scent of Vetiver on my pulse points and reishi mushroom, growing so close to the ground, grounding me and drawing me into myself with firm root.

This is only a short, abstract journal entry to document my intentional spiritual working for the day. Saturn's usual inward intensity is quite regulated this time. I feel collected. I feel deep. I feel condensed. I feel balanced. If there is anything noteworthy to record today it is ... I'm feeling really good. That's about all. And if that's all, I guess my spiritual study is right on. On a Saturn day.

Feel good.

Venus Shadows Hollywood, CA

2010-02-20T04:46:00.000-05:00

Venus and my study begins. Friday my study begins with Venus.

And all the sweet fruit in the world couldn't compare to the shutter of true connection I feel as I study. I connect so easily with people. I am open hearted without loosing myself. When Venus is my audience.

I look at spagyric study like advertising myself to the cosmos. Like the kid waving her hand and shouting to be called upon "Me! Me!". By thinking upward towards Venus and looking for her everywhere I turn, I make it easy for her to find and bless me. I am bright to her even light years away. I am the Venus antennae and that makes me loving and lovely, too. Because I am filled with her, with a few simple steps. The magistry under my tongue and the oil on my pulse points and the color of my hip huggers.

I was able to take time for myself on this day. I was able to let "should dos" go. And I was easy to connect with intimate friends. Completely comfortable around friends. And I saw someone on Sunset Blvd. with a bumper sticker advertising my farmtown, hometown's County Fair and the sticker was shaped like a goat. And I dangerously rode up on them, made them roll down and demanded their relationship to my farmtown fair's goat-shaped bumper sticker.

What a small universe it is.

Organic, Biodynamic and Sustainable Wines Part 5 EcoHearth Column

2010-02-16T13:39:00.002-05:00

I would be remiss in discussing certified wines if I did not mention a most integral certification found regionally in northern California: Fish Friendly Farming� (FFF). The FFF certification offers another angle on sustainability, this time addressing land management of the farm as a whole. FFF is not so much concerned about the wine in the bottle, but the land the business is sitting on. Read more...

Infinite Potential web award Hollywood, CA

2010-02-10T01:33:00.003-05:00

Perfect. My friend said I was aiming for perfection. Now, I'm not sure what that means, so probably I am not aiming for it. But the more I consider the concept, perfect would be fine.

This friend was referring to my physical make up - my body, my health and the high standards I have for life action. It is true, but again, I defend: I am but a victim of Saturn's embrace. The focalizing energy has been upon me now for so long, I feel only glimpses of expansiveness now and then. Rather, for half a year or slightly more, I have been drawn to one point on the wall. In this case, the Self. I have been drawn inward upon mySelf for at least six months' lapse with all the glory and all the shame accompanying this sort of inward focalizing to prove it.

Like meditating for six months on the candle flame. Or crawling inside opium's secret smoke-filled den. Like gazing into the water and seeing only the reflection. This narcissus, this meditation, this poppy is the focus that can not be broken. And here is where one will see their reflections - obsessively and entirely, noticing the faults, the weaknesses, the opportunities, the intricacies and hopefully sometime before the concentration has moved on, falling in love with the reflection, too.

It is a difficult place to be, this gathering of Self energies. It is an evolutionary opportunity, but can be quite revealing and quite revolting, too. I mean, who wants to look at this painting so close anyway? Who needs to see every pixel of the image? Who really wants a magnifying mirror in the shower, anyway? Revealing, revolting, perchance to fall in love.

I forget. I forget to look up. So when a dancer from Australia emails me to say she feels an inspired connection, it matters. Or when the actress from Tennessee messages asking for my perspective, I am touched. When the artist from Pennsylvania tells me I am pretty, I am humbled. And when the magickan / philosopher from Texas bestows upon me the award of Infinite Potential, I am called to stop what I am doing and look up from my scrying glass, step back from the painting and turn around on the path to let the meaning of this award sink in. To humble me some more. Do I really have infinite potential?

Sheta Kaey is the editor of Rending the Veil, a most reputable and thought-provoking occult spirituality digest, as well as the creator of the Infinite Potential Web Award. In her own words, she defines her intentions, "The Infinite Potential Award is for websites and individuals I judge to have infinite potential or to be at the very start of something quite possibly magical. Potential is all about what you make of it, and many people let opportunity pass them by. (I tend, for example, to be all too easy going and to miss opportunities to excel due to procrastination and disorganization.) The award is geared toward people who seize their opportunities and use them to the fullest extent possible, whether those opportunities are self-created or presented from outside. A person who can truly make the most of their skills, talents, opportunities, good fortune, and, most of all, who take hard knocks as things to learn from rather than to be victimized by� this is the person who deserves the IPA."

And then Sheta writes more about why she has chosen me as recipient for the Infinite Potential Award 2010, saying some very lovely words. Words I am forced to emerge from my hyper analytical metacognition in order to hear. Because I have been so intensely engaged in this Will building, this spiritual refinement, this physical perfection, that I've lost outside reference. It is a harsh place to be.

Not only does the award say the word "infinite" in it, which basically means it's super honorable and bigger than time itself. It also says the word 'potential' and I've always thought I'd rather have that than fulfillment. I'd rather be journeying than arriving. The best spot in line is always 'next'. I'd rather be a ball of potential, ripe for reincarnation, but never limited by the incarnate, no matter how good it gets.

No, I am not aiming for perfection. I am accumulating potential. And it is Sheta Kaey's words that have brought me out of my push to give in with some surrender. I do wish to allow myself to receive some of the goodness I've worked so hard at intending for the world.

With upward gaze I display the award of Infinite Potential here. I wish I had a speech or something to say. I wish I had a list of people to thank. But I am not that cool right now. I'm just thankful that the concept of me you hold surrounds me with Infinite Potential. Let the sigil be published!

Emerald Tokyo Artwork Hollywood, CA

2010-02-05T13:31:00.003-05:00

And she comes out of nowhere with this ... this artwork titled VEGAN PRINCESS. The title alone owns my heart, but more so, the dedication and understanding the artist, Emerald Tokyo, has for my ideals. Emerald Tokyo cares to capture more than simply her subjects' look, but that thing that makes them unique in the world as well. She looks for the person in the human. And when she sent me this, I felt like she had been paying attention. I can see through her art that she understands something about me that I wish everyone whom met me walked away understanding.

Emerald Tokyo is a comic artist, graphic design student and officially the "colorist with the most potential" in my book. She can use Photoshop to do things that water, sunshine, oil and spandex do in real life. Color, by the way, is one of my favorite things in the world - I am quite stimulated by color! And now that I have been paying such close attention to comic art, I know that color is the magick spell whispered over the sleeping beauty of line drawings, waking them from their rest to live a potent life. Emerald Angel is a female artist whom enjoys drawing female heroines - something else I appreciate. I hope to see Emerald Tokyo's talent utilized everywhere in the coming years. Thank you, from the VEGAN PRINCESS!

Organic, Biodynamic and Sustainable Wines Part 4 EcoHearth Column

2010-02-02T14:08:00.001-05:00

The �sustainable� wine certification is vital in the larger picture of what eco-conscious winemaking is all about. Yet this certification is by far the least organized internationally�and the most intangible to the wine aficionado. Read more...

Best of EcoHearth 2009 Hollywood, CA

2010-01-28T23:43:00.003-05:00

I began writing for EcoHearth online magazine one year ago. It's my first professional writing gig and it's really important to me. My column is called Clean and Green Everyday and I like to think of it as a "badass green lifestyle guide" but the official description, per the magazine, goes something like this:

"Writer and raw-vegan celebrity, Tonya Kay promotes health and urban environmentalism while navigating Hollywood's film and television industry. Her focus here is on real things that real people can do to make a difference in their everyday lives and their world."

The entire online magazine is filled with high quality, thought provoking, social, environmental, science and travel writings. I am just one of the writers. I alway encourage my readers to leave comments, mostly so I know they are reading and we can discuss in further detail their ideas and questions, but also because I hope the publisher of EcoHearth notices that my pieces are valuable to his audience - I want to continue pro writing in my future!

So imagine my delight when I saw the results of EcoHearth's Best Pieces of 2009, where "writers, editors and readers nominated the most useful, beautifully written and inspiring (EcoHearth) pieces of 2009". Out of 46 pieces, 6 were authored by me! Thank you so much for leaving your comments and asking questions. I enjoy writing for this conscious magazine and hope to continue sharing the healthy, green vibes.

Have a read over all the nominated pieces. The following 6 pieces of mine were voted Best of 2009 - feel free to read them again, pass them along and don't forget to comment - it still matters!

Green DIY

Running Your Car on Waste Vegetable Oil PART 1: Converting Your Car

Build A Solar Powered Food Dehydrator: Easy Instructions

Green Living Tips

Natural Home Hygiene: Cleaning Your House Without Harming the Environment

My Body Is A Self Cleaning Organism: Natural Body Cleansing Tips

Social Connections

Christmas Is Trying To Kill Me

The Greenest Consumer is the Non-Consumer

Joseph Phelps Vineyards Napa Valley, CA

2010-01-27T21:07:00.007-05:00

Joseph Phelp's Insignia and Esribe dictated the wine zeitgeist on my Hollywood farm town girl palate long before I began educating myself about California's certified wines. Back then I was in it for the road trips and the wine education. I was just learning what my tastes were and like most people, didn't know that there is a difference between certified WINES and certified VINEYARDS. But when I happened upon Joseph Phelps Vineyards http://jpvwines.com I knew right away that I had found something special and I asked right away if they perchance grew organically on the estate. The pourer assured me with pride that Joseph Phelps practically introduced biodynamics to the Napa Valley. And of course, I was delighted. The next visit, a year later, I learned that Joe Phelps and his son, Bill Phelps, had just opened a biodynamically grown Chardonay and Pinot Noir vineyard in Freestone - closer to the Pacific on the Sonoma Coast where those cool weather grapes really thrive. I tasted there as soon as the tasting room was open and although the farm house tasting room was a more country than warranted, I was again stunned by the wines. Over the years, Phelps wines have not changed much. But why change the magick formula? This wine is stunning and no matter how often I visit, I still want another pour.

Joseph Phelps vineyards indeed helped define the terrior potential of Napa Valley wines in the 1970's and pioneered the popularization of Napa Valley as a precious, international wine growing region of note. Reintroducing Syrrah in 1974 and rich Rhone varietals including also Viognier and Chateauneuf-du-Pape. 90% of Phelps wines are estate-grown and that my friend, assures the discerning eco conisouier that the growing practices the vineyard practices are actually in the wine being sipped. But although Joseph Phelps Vineyards might have launched the wine making reputation of the area, it's difficult to say if they've done the same for growing practices. Joseph Phelps Vineyards isn't certified organic OR biodynamic. Not wine and not vineyard. Although I have been assured that he was of the first natural growers in the region and touts on the website having been in biodynamic transition since 2001, I know that like organics, the certification only takes 3 years. So what gives? Why is Freestone, the 100% biodynamic vineyard from conception in 2007 not certified yet? I can't help but think back to the conventional pourer with the loud opine - he: "certification does not mean anything - how one grows means everything". And myself: "I wish to communicate through a certification process so I don't have to monitor the farm's practices personally myself." Was he right in saying certification is a marketing technique or was I right to want some standard of assurance when it comes to the things that are important to me.

Because Joseph Phelps Vineyards visibly recycles, utilizes compostable-plastic single-serving ware when guest events require and diverted from the landfill over 600lbs of shrink wrap used in transport in 2009, I do know that the vineyard is up to green things. Joseph Phelps Vineyards installed solar panels in the Innisfree production building and retrofitted the company's lighting to be more energy efficient. The landscaping is composed mainly of drought resistant, native plants. And I brought my binoculars to Joseph Phelps grandiose tasting room specifically because the wild life is so abundant, it's obvious the birds and insects are pleased with his farming methods. Again, to Joseph Phelps credit, this vineyards touts one certification rarer than even biodynamic or organic: the Fish Friendly Farming Certification. Properties that are managed to restore fish and wildlife habitat and improve water quality voluntary apply and in my opinion, the Fish Friendly Farming Certification is one standard I'd like to see more farmers dedicating themselves to. Water and wildlife. Through my binoculars it was obvious that that certification was real: a mile away - crystal clear - a tiny compost heap, a miniature chicken coupe, dozens of far-off teeny fruit trees and so many birds between here and there that it was distracting to my wine tasting. So many birds singing and rows and rows of wine grape vines so happy to live where they do, being valued as they are, raised obviously with attention to health and simplicity. In some rare cases, this is all the certification that is needed. A blessing bestowed upon those who go to visit the vineyards of the wines they adore. I can not recommend any experience higher.

http://jpvwines.com
http://demeter-usa.org
http://fishfreindlyfarming.org

Organic, Biodynamic and Sustainable Wines Part 3 EcoHearth Column

2010-01-26T18:30:00.002-05:00

Another label the green consumer can look for when choosing a wine is the vineyard�s biodynamic certification. Worldwide, there are more than 450 certified biodynamic wine producers and, from my experience, that number is rapidly growing. Read more...

New Wine Language Napa Valley, CA

2010-01-23T14:32:00.003-05:00

Why do we want to see our products certified organic? Why do we honorably pay more for organically farmed textiles and sustainably manufactured products? What do these certifications really mean?

In Napa Valley, CA - one of the world's most regaled and breathtaking viticulture regions in the world - there is controversy. I was invited via direct Twitter for a complimentary tasting at a conventional vineyard in Napa Valley my previous visit and I accepted. My pourer was friendly and shared the opinion of many small, succeeding wineries when he proclaimed loudly, so the entire room could hear, that "all those certifications mean nothing about growing practices and are just marketing strategy for the already well-to-do wineries". Being the diplomat that I am, I considered his opinion while remembering that the source was the pourer at a vineyard that had never attempted a certification of any kind.

It is true: in themselves, these social, environmental and spiritual certifications mean nothing. The certification is nothing more than a language of communication between like minds. We hear this word biodynamic more often these days and with clearer definition because there are so many minds with the need to communicate the concept that words are developed as are certifications. The practice of biodynamic farming is a living concept in action. The biodynamic certification itself though, it is true, is nothing more than a piece of paper, yet represents a standard in communication if all parties speak the same language. Without the standard, interested like minds would have to monitor each vineyard claiming to grow naturally to confirm what the certification reveals. The certification means nothing, but it means everything in terms of communication.

In my previous visit to Napa Valley, I visited four conventional wineries and four certified in some area. Yes, that certification effectively brought the appropriate "market" to the tasting room. If you prefer to call humans a market. I call them people and the appropriate people visited the tasting rooms of certified vineyards. I noticed that conventional tasting rooms generally hosted tasters with less social/environmental consciousness and often less wine knowledge too, while the rooms certified in some way welcomed tasters familiar with the sensual exploration of wine as well as current environmental and social affairs. Is this "coincidence" in demographic marketing or is this human?

What I have learned is that the "exorbitant cost" of certifying one's farm organic it due to the expense of ripping out irrigation systems and replanting mature vines. Many vines become more valuable and with more fruit character as they mature and it would be blasphemy to tear them up. These are a few reasons some uncertified, but naturally farmed vineyards might not certify as well as the reason some sneaky conventional vineyards twist the wording and insult the certification process to gain more eco-recognition than they deserve. Although according to Buck Bartolucci, owner and wine maker of certified organic Madonna Vineyards of Carneros Valley, CA, it is the transition that is expensive, not the certification process and not the growing practices. His vineyards have always been farmed organically and he relates how inexpensive maintaining organically grown vines actually is - one doesn't purchase pesticides, one uses nature to feed the land, and the vines are heartier and resilient within their habitat. Buck suggests that when one already grows organically, certification is not expensive at all.

Jim Balent's Tarot scores '09 Project Fanboy Awards Hollywood, CA

2010-01-20T05:32:00.005-05:00

Jim Balent and I collaborated on a tribute issue in his long-running comic book series, Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose. And here he is cleaning up in the 2009 Project Fanboy Awards emailing me to let me know that I, as his starring character in issue #59 "Medusa's Stare", was a part of that.

The Project Fanboy Awards are reader awards. Fanfolk everywhere get to vote and sometimes the winners are funded comic publishers like Marvel or DC and other times the publishers are independent love laborers. Out of all the comics people are reading, still, Jim Balent's Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose took 6 of 22 categories in the 2009 Project Fanboy Awards - a favorite in the indie world as well as the comic world at large both.

This is reader pleasure if I ever saw it:

Best Artist: Jim Balent
Best Indie Artist: Jim Balent
Best Indie Comic: Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose
Best Indie Hero: Tarot
Best Indie Villain: Raven Hex (of Tarot)
Best Graphic Novel of 2009: Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #7

And still, the artist, Jim, emails me and says thank you. That's heart. That's community. That's a man on his path sharing radiance with others who can reflect his shining so brightly. Congratulations to Jim, Tarot and all of Broadsword Comics on this sexually open, female-led, pagan-centric comic - only an idea in the hip pocket nine years ago, now an understandable and unanimous reader epic. Dreams manifest.