When you consciously do the opposite of everything you would normally do, you create a space where rules have not been established yet. In this space of utter spontaneity, variables are less likely to be explained away and more likely to emerge. These variables at first, are pebbles scattered on the surface of the Pool of Unknown Depths. Eventually they are however, ripples that reach the water's farthest edge.

I begin a new phase of magickal training. I use all that is available to me. I remain flexible in approach, committed only to my desire. I do much self-exploration to confirm my desire in alignment with my true will.

That said, my desire is not to transcend or attain. My desire is the act of transcendence and the habit of attainment. In order to become adept at these processes, I must transcend something - I must attain something. Yet I remain consciously unattached to objects of my transcendence/attainment lest dogma and judgment be the results - both obstacles in the spontaneous space where variables are likely to emerge.

Commence: No Rules Ritual.

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We are all in a taxi going to the airport to catch a flight home. Our plane leaves in two hours, but the driver suddenly informs us that we are no closer than four hours away.

Last week I was stressing. My breathing was shallow, my heart rate slightly accelerated, my mind completely unable to focus on what was in front of me. Why? I had a business deadline I simply had to meet. If I pulled an all niter, I devised, I could get it done.

A few days ago, I spoke with my Grampy on the phone. Funny how, separated by fifty years and an entire continent, our minds still sync. Having become a widow in the past year and recently experiencing chemotherapy himself, he said to me, "You never know when there's gonna be no tomorrow. Your friends might disappear, your health might let you down...Makes you really appreciate today."

The profound and simple words of a 76 year old Michigan farmer.

A feisty 28 year old gypsy might state it more like this: All deadlines are subconscious death wishes. There is only one ending we can work toward for certain. They're called deadlines for a reason.

Most hustling, scrambling, and overdoing is really a fear of death. As if by having more experiences, being more successful, living a jam packed life, we can somehow evade death and achive immortal status. I chose to miss my deadline a week ago and got a full nite’s sleep instead. And a strange new mantra emerged that oddly enough, eases this Thinking That It Matters Compulsion: "You're gonna die anyway."

We can keep pulling all niters, breathing shallowly, checking our watches and stressing all the way to the damn airport, if we like. Or we can sit back, roll down a window and take in the scenery. We’re all gonna miss our plane someday. How is your taxi ride gonna be in the meantime?

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I trust location, but not time.

declaration: I choose to trust time
It Will Happen When It Is Supposed To and Not Before and Not After.

(that is, if you aren’t of the mind that it has been never happening since forever …

(side note:
I swear, I have committed already the union of my soul to the one who understands, lives and laughs about the junk I just wrote.

We’ll find each other if we’re supposed to.)



riddle: what’s not Before and not After?

(please answer in the form of a question

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I just arrived in Los Angeles after 3 weeks in Vancouver where not only did I teach body percussion, advanced tap and hip hop, but ended up extending my stay to shoot an instructional poi spinning DVD with Too Much Fun Pictures Inc.. And wow... just wow. The past week of my life has been one long extended state of bliss where every day I wonder how I get so lucky to do all the things I do! First of all, Too Much Fun is a top notch film company. The director is the most sought after steady camera operator in Vancouver television and film. He and his business partners, Tirra and Graham, all happen to be raw foodists! So I stay with them in their gigantic house way up in the picturesque Vancouver mountains, eating raw food, choreographing and scripting during the day, and holding production meetings during the wee morning hours when they are home from work. Cliff owns all his own equipment (obviously) and we shot two full 12 hour days this weekend where the first day, in the studio, we had - count them: four cameras on every shot including him on steady cam and a full-on crane (the one that does those huge aerial swoops - it took three people to operate and looked like a living dinosaur when it honed in on you). They made me look like a movie star! The 15 person crew were out of this world accommodating, patient and enthusiastic to work a great shoot. I think they had fun on this particular project too - craft services were all raw, so I know everyone was feeling gooood. The next day we filmed fire in a skateboard park. Two saucy BC fire spinners, Steve and Natalie and I toughed out the Canadian November weather - none of us had ever seen ice on fire equipment before that nite. Then (drum roll please....) I arranged to shoot possibly the most well known, most talented fire spinner in this hemisphere; Nick Woolsey. Yes, I am star struck and he will be on my DVD! Finally, after two hours of sleep, I hopped a plane to Los Angeles where another unknown adventure now begins.

The best part of the entire story is we did this all in only 2 weeks time. I'm not even kinda kidding.

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