Responsibility. May I redefine our approach to this word? We run from it, we are burdened by it, we swallow it like Robitussin because we believe it will make us better, yet gag on it all the way down. What is responsibility really, but the ability to respond. Implying that we were present in a situation, in a conversation, in life, and that by being involved, we have a certain authority. Our authority is a privilege creating a response-ability.
It is now the "magick hour", according to filmmakers and directors everywhere. The gentle twilight of the setting sun that makes everyone look beautiful, that casts sensual artistic shadows - a lighting technique that is unmatched by any theatrical spot, any digital remastering, any Glamour Shot studio. I'm sitting at my favorite cafe, feeling like someone should take my picture, thinking back on the past seven days. My mother asks me today, "Tonya, with your lifestyle like it is, do you really have anything to detox?" Which was poignant because I usually pursue emotional/mental catharsis through the extreme physical state of cleansing, and either my developed peaceful mind (har-dee-har) or my geographical location in Los Angeles prevented that from happening this time through. Instead, after seven days I am just really, really clean inside - my skin looks amazing, I have lost several pounds, certainly unburdened my digestive tract, and best of all, felt much of my residual STOMP aches release as my muscles decide it is safe to let go again. Those are all fantastic side effects, but mom's right, that's not really what I was after. I tell my mom that I am a bit disappointed in the results and that I may continue a modified cleanse, adjusted for an active lifestyle, for another week to see if any lurking demons are brave enough to face me head on. But I really feel that that's not the case. Perhaps the epiphany for the Chaos Cleanse is much simpler yet much more profound: I'm okay. This time, I'm really okay.
There is one thing that came up though. Just this morning in a loaded dream in fact. My father and I are sitting together enjoying a meal of greens and hemp seed butter. I decline an offer of conventionally grown lemons, throw out the iodized table salt my mother so adores, and feel complete connection sharing health with my dad, knowing he really understands me and that he is benefiting too.
Now, my pappy and I have always had a great relationship. When his 17 year old Valedictorian graduated and instead of going to college, moved to Indiana to become a factory rat, he said, "all I want is for you to be happy". When at 21, without an apartment or cash, his small town baby packed her suitcase for NYC over nite, he shed those touching daddy tears and told me I could do it. There hasn't been a moment in my life that I have not felt his complete unconditional love and I have done my best to express mine in return.
But as extreme as I am in one direction relating to health, dad is in the other. And it hurts me. It scares me. I have judged him. I have educated him. I have tried to change him. And I have done it all only out of complete unconditional love. And the misguided pomposity to think I know what is best for him. And the selfish desire to share a long life with the hero, the superman he is to me.
What all this comes down to is feeling responsible for my father’s health. And my relationship to responsibility. Not a burden, but a privilege meaning I have been present in his life. And if I choose to respond, like I am able to do, that will, without ever changing a migraine headache or irregular heartbeat, open up an authentic conversation between us and in that, turn my great relationship with my father into an extraordinary one. And isn’t that what I really wanted all along? No matter how much time either of us has on this earth, I want to understand him, and I want to allow myself to be understood.
So much for no catharsis.
Chaos Cleanse - Day Seven
Los Angeles, CA
I'm Okay
Los Angeles, CA
I'm Okay
May 24, 2004
Chaos Cleanse - Day Six
Los Angeles, CA
Only Important Question
Los Angeles, CA
Only Important Question
May 23, 2004
We all have a story in our lives. There was a moment, usually in our youth, that the growth process halted. It may be difficult to recall the exact circumstance or situation of epiphany, but we wrote it down as a lesson in our book and every page sine then has been a continuation of that story.
Not Pretty Enough? Nobodies Favorite? In my case, Misunderstood. All just stories - a highly impressionable, sensitive young mind's reaction to a perceived situation. A reaction to a perception. How's that for subjective? Yet we accepted it as reality. And as adults, here we are trying to prove our stories wrong while simultaneously protecting them with all our might. Proving we are Pretty by mastering cosmetic application and the art of flirting and then protecting our Ugliness by picking our pimples into scars. Proving we are Favorites by becoming indispensable in others' lives, then protecting our Invisibility by constantly surveying how they take us for granted. Or proving Connection (bring it on home, Miss Misunderstood) by becoming an adept at instant social intimacy, then protecting Loneliness by disappearing right when we need someone the most.
If you ever recognize a viscous pattern in your life, I bet the paradox of your story is behind it.
It is important to remember that our stories aren't good or bad, they are just what humans, the ultimate meaning makers, do. So forgive yourself right now for creating the story, then forgive yourself for thinking it's bad to have one, then praise yourself for being perfectly human.
And now, realizing the story a subjective system that you are capable of dissolving just as you were capable of creating, ask yourself the only important question left to ask: Is it serving me?
Not Pretty Enough? Nobodies Favorite? In my case, Misunderstood. All just stories - a highly impressionable, sensitive young mind's reaction to a perceived situation. A reaction to a perception. How's that for subjective? Yet we accepted it as reality. And as adults, here we are trying to prove our stories wrong while simultaneously protecting them with all our might. Proving we are Pretty by mastering cosmetic application and the art of flirting and then protecting our Ugliness by picking our pimples into scars. Proving we are Favorites by becoming indispensable in others' lives, then protecting our Invisibility by constantly surveying how they take us for granted. Or proving Connection (bring it on home, Miss Misunderstood) by becoming an adept at instant social intimacy, then protecting Loneliness by disappearing right when we need someone the most.
If you ever recognize a viscous pattern in your life, I bet the paradox of your story is behind it.
It is important to remember that our stories aren't good or bad, they are just what humans, the ultimate meaning makers, do. So forgive yourself right now for creating the story, then forgive yourself for thinking it's bad to have one, then praise yourself for being perfectly human.
And now, realizing the story a subjective system that you are capable of dissolving just as you were capable of creating, ask yourself the only important question left to ask: Is it serving me?
Chaos Cleanse - Day 5
Los Angeles, CA
Exhaustion
Los Angeles, CA
Exhaustion
May 22, 2004
Went to Venice Beach to count myself as one of the freaks today. The air at the ocean was refreshing and noticeably different than just ten miles away in Hollywood. I'm finding Los Angeles to be an unsatisfactory place for me to cleanse. Two of my cleanses were at my family's home in Michigan, where I can close a door and seclude myself. One cleanse was in Maui where the sun alone gives enough life to live off of. Here...? I feel so much pressure still to deal with traffic, do business, be nice to people. I broke fast today because my body said it was too much. Exhaustion here leading to being "run down" rather than "taken down". I sliced a banana, ate it with chop sticks. Drank two young coconuts. A glass of barley greens. A glass of apple cider vinegar tea. 2.5 liters of water. Took the day off from exercise to allow recovery. So so tired anyway. In fact, I don't feel like writing.
Bad moods are really just subconscious social protection until we provide for ourselves first.
Bad moods are really just subconscious social protection until we provide for ourselves first.
Chaos Cleanse - Day Four
La La Land, CA
Blood, Sweat and Detox
La La Land, CA
Blood, Sweat and Detox
May 20, 2004
How do toxins leave the body? Through any hole, in any fluid, by any means necessary - use your imagination.
I haven't had a menstrual cycle in six months. Before that it was five months and before that, four. In fact, the very first cycle I had after becoming raw went from five days of light flow to three days of spotting. Immediately. This is a common phenomenon amongst raw women, who still ovulate and conceive, contrary to gynecologists’ misdirected monitions. What society perceives as a "normal" menstrual cycle, with painful cramps, reckless emotions, insatiable cravings and heavy bleeding, is really just another method by which a “normal” body detoxifies. No more NutraSweet, no more PMS.
On that tip, I have found Bikram Yoga to be the complimentary exercise for a cleansing athlete. It is a static hold yoga class consisting of the same twenty-six postures each and every class, anywhere in the nation, focusing on balance strength mainly in the lower body. But here is what makes a ninety minute Bikram Yoga class so notoriously unique: is done in a room exactly one hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit. The difficulty level is not so challenging so to frighten off we already light-headed cleansers, but is just enough, coupled with the intense heat, to trip us right out. All I need now is the Pink Floyd's Meddle album and a strand of blinking Christmas lights - I’ll really be a visionary yogi. Instead I'm just another spacey actress, abstaining from food in La La Land.
Sweat is an excellent fluid for toxin removal. As well as blood, tears, mucus, and the obvious urine. What’s important is to remember that the symptoms are not the dis-ease. The symptoms are the escape. Encourage your body eliminate toxins, feel no more dis-ease.
Day Four, Chaos Cleanse: I had difficulty rising from bed after eight hours due to physical lethargy and the breeze in the bedroom feeling noticeably different than the day before: more intimate, more important, more fundamental.
It was difficult for me to put up with Los Angeles traffic today - no anger, no frustration - just the inability to be around things that don't reflect what I'm feeling. And this is the moment in the cleanse I call refinement: when you begin to notice how you sabotage yourself with poisonous situations on a daily basis and suddenly gain the clarity to remove yourself from them, like it’s been obvious all along. Self imposed cages melting away. Free Space remaining. The real you revealing.
I drank 2.5 liters of water, 2 glasses apple cider vinegar tea, 2 glasses hydrated barely greens, the water of one young coconut and am now drinking a cup of anise tea at the same little cafe in Silverlake I wrote at last nite. Seems my inner yogi found a cute young coffee boy disciple.
It’s good to be a guru.
I haven't had a menstrual cycle in six months. Before that it was five months and before that, four. In fact, the very first cycle I had after becoming raw went from five days of light flow to three days of spotting. Immediately. This is a common phenomenon amongst raw women, who still ovulate and conceive, contrary to gynecologists’ misdirected monitions. What society perceives as a "normal" menstrual cycle, with painful cramps, reckless emotions, insatiable cravings and heavy bleeding, is really just another method by which a “normal” body detoxifies. No more NutraSweet, no more PMS.
On that tip, I have found Bikram Yoga to be the complimentary exercise for a cleansing athlete. It is a static hold yoga class consisting of the same twenty-six postures each and every class, anywhere in the nation, focusing on balance strength mainly in the lower body. But here is what makes a ninety minute Bikram Yoga class so notoriously unique: is done in a room exactly one hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit. The difficulty level is not so challenging so to frighten off we already light-headed cleansers, but is just enough, coupled with the intense heat, to trip us right out. All I need now is the Pink Floyd's Meddle album and a strand of blinking Christmas lights - I’ll really be a visionary yogi. Instead I'm just another spacey actress, abstaining from food in La La Land.
Sweat is an excellent fluid for toxin removal. As well as blood, tears, mucus, and the obvious urine. What’s important is to remember that the symptoms are not the dis-ease. The symptoms are the escape. Encourage your body eliminate toxins, feel no more dis-ease.
Day Four, Chaos Cleanse: I had difficulty rising from bed after eight hours due to physical lethargy and the breeze in the bedroom feeling noticeably different than the day before: more intimate, more important, more fundamental.
It was difficult for me to put up with Los Angeles traffic today - no anger, no frustration - just the inability to be around things that don't reflect what I'm feeling. And this is the moment in the cleanse I call refinement: when you begin to notice how you sabotage yourself with poisonous situations on a daily basis and suddenly gain the clarity to remove yourself from them, like it’s been obvious all along. Self imposed cages melting away. Free Space remaining. The real you revealing.
I drank 2.5 liters of water, 2 glasses apple cider vinegar tea, 2 glasses hydrated barely greens, the water of one young coconut and am now drinking a cup of anise tea at the same little cafe in Silverlake I wrote at last nite. Seems my inner yogi found a cute young coffee boy disciple.
It’s good to be a guru.
Chaos Cleanse - Day Three
Los Angeles, CA
Did She Say Discotheque?
Los Angeles, CA
Did She Say Discotheque?
The only time you are wrong is when you think you know something.
I thought after 3 cleanses that I had my pattern down, only to have my detox symptoms advance on me like the slobbering drunk weeble wobble on any pretty girl at the discotheque. Does that mean I am being rewarded for living “clean” regular raw life by detox becoming speedier, more cooperative? Does that mean the entire process will expedite early leaving under my pillow little tooth fairy treasures on Day Seven?
In the past, which means nothing, I could define the steps in my cleanse as follows:
Day One: Normal Day Without Food - prolonged sleep
Day Two : Normal Day Without Food - feeling of lightness - less bloated, less inflammation - prolonged sleep
Day Three: Mega Anarchy Keep The Children Away Hump Day - extreme irritability, constant judgmental inner dialogue, desire to be in complete seclusion, trouble falling asleep
Day Four: Breakthrough - day to day waste has been eliminated, healing deepens, creativity skyrockets, dreams abound, workouts become less intense as I feel lighter, less grounded certainly, and at times, even weak
Day Five: Listening – overwhelming glimpses of perfect love without the desire to communicate it, feeling connected to everything without feeling responsible for it, profound messages arriving from radios, books, conversations, dreams, and all the while, this marked diattachment
Day Six: Revealing - optimism, confidence and creativity take over, aiding me in the examination of yesterday's (sometimes unpleasant) messages
Day Seven: Clarity - complete contentment, feeling myself again, present in every moment and though delirious to taste the taboo of a pear, wondering why I would want to change a thing
Logistics of Chaos Cleanse Day Three: drank 1 glass of apple cider vinegar tea, 1 glass of barley green juice, 2 cups anise tea (as I type at a new bohemian cafe) and 2.5 liters of water. Slept 8 hours, took a 90 minute Bikram Yoga class, felt hunger not once but INTENSE CRAVINGS when life threw at me a few surprise challenges (towed car, overdue union due notices, delinquent worker’s compensation bills). So I gave myself an avocado and juggled fine china with the light headed grace and advanced detox symptoms of my usual Day Four.
Just when you think you’re safe, here comes weeble wobble.
I thought after 3 cleanses that I had my pattern down, only to have my detox symptoms advance on me like the slobbering drunk weeble wobble on any pretty girl at the discotheque. Does that mean I am being rewarded for living “clean” regular raw life by detox becoming speedier, more cooperative? Does that mean the entire process will expedite early leaving under my pillow little tooth fairy treasures on Day Seven?
In the past, which means nothing, I could define the steps in my cleanse as follows:
Day One: Normal Day Without Food - prolonged sleep
Day Two : Normal Day Without Food - feeling of lightness - less bloated, less inflammation - prolonged sleep
Day Three: Mega Anarchy Keep The Children Away Hump Day - extreme irritability, constant judgmental inner dialogue, desire to be in complete seclusion, trouble falling asleep
Day Four: Breakthrough - day to day waste has been eliminated, healing deepens, creativity skyrockets, dreams abound, workouts become less intense as I feel lighter, less grounded certainly, and at times, even weak
Day Five: Listening – overwhelming glimpses of perfect love without the desire to communicate it, feeling connected to everything without feeling responsible for it, profound messages arriving from radios, books, conversations, dreams, and all the while, this marked diattachment
Day Six: Revealing - optimism, confidence and creativity take over, aiding me in the examination of yesterday's (sometimes unpleasant) messages
Day Seven: Clarity - complete contentment, feeling myself again, present in every moment and though delirious to taste the taboo of a pear, wondering why I would want to change a thing
Logistics of Chaos Cleanse Day Three: drank 1 glass of apple cider vinegar tea, 1 glass of barley green juice, 2 cups anise tea (as I type at a new bohemian cafe) and 2.5 liters of water. Slept 8 hours, took a 90 minute Bikram Yoga class, felt hunger not once but INTENSE CRAVINGS when life threw at me a few surprise challenges (towed car, overdue union due notices, delinquent worker’s compensation bills). So I gave myself an avocado and juggled fine china with the light headed grace and advanced detox symptoms of my usual Day Four.
Just when you think you’re safe, here comes weeble wobble.
Chaos Cleanse - Day Two
Los Angeles, CA
Inspiration From Unlikely Sources
Los Angeles, CA
Inspiration From Unlikely Sources
May 19, 2004
Free Space: the magickal place of Not Knowing, devoid of systems and seething with potential. Some call it center, others call it being connected - whatever it is, it's where everything begins and nothing exists. Some create this Space of Freedom by turning off the ringer, locking the door, sitting motionless, closing their eyes and basically shutting out the world (there is a fine line between meditation and escapism). I confirm, this method is effective though rarely for myself (I mean, when is something brilliant not happening in this jet-fuelled imagination). And try as I might to create some Free Space through meditation, today just wasn’t that day.
Fresh air and sunshine for a good little cleansing girl coupled with the banishing symbolism of today's Dark Moon, led me to the fabulous Hollywood Forever Cemetery for exercise today. My fragile attempt at inner peace however was thwarted by high powered sneak attack sprinklers making sure the late directors and actresses would not miss a morning without blossoming roses framing their headshots - dramatically engraved in Hollywood Forever marble. And if I hoped that later, during a massage my attempt at passive serenity might prevail, I changed my mind when the young Thai woman, massaging me with one hand, answered her cell phone with the other.
On Day Two of the Chaos Cleanse, I drank 2 glasses of apple cider vinegar tea, 2 glasses of hydrated barley powder, 2 liters of water and now, typing in an anonymous corner of the local artists' coffee shop, I am relishing the warmth of 2 fish bowl cups of spicy Yogi tea. I took in half an avocado (and savored every minute of it!) and sucked on a few crystals of Celtic sea salt for some unexplainable craving-acknowledged reason (cravings have a purpose sometimes, you know - like getting you to eat what your body knows it needs). I hiked one hour in that star studded hardly spooky most fabulous of fabulous cemeteries, did a half hour of ballet floor barre, sweated profusely through a 90 minute Bikram Yoga class, and wrapped up the physical activity with an equally star studded 90 minute Thai massage. I felt true hunger not once and passing cravings only twice.
In Bikram Yoga we did a lying posture, knees pulling towards chest (in my case, ears). The instructor translated the name of this position as Wind Letting Pose, whereby one embarrassed class member promptly demonstrated the appropriateness that defination. Perhaps this is Eros, Greek Goddess of Discord, helping break down my systems by throwing salt in the batter of my seriousness.
I close my eyes now at the cafe, hear teenagers flirting - the spitting of an espresso machine. I feel passers by glancing art hanging above my head and feel a strong wind barging in the open door. It all collision wreck collides into a mess of indefinable Chaos, from where the only thing left to do is create.
Reduction is one path to Free Space. Immersion is another.
Fresh air and sunshine for a good little cleansing girl coupled with the banishing symbolism of today's Dark Moon, led me to the fabulous Hollywood Forever Cemetery for exercise today. My fragile attempt at inner peace however was thwarted by high powered sneak attack sprinklers making sure the late directors and actresses would not miss a morning without blossoming roses framing their headshots - dramatically engraved in Hollywood Forever marble. And if I hoped that later, during a massage my attempt at passive serenity might prevail, I changed my mind when the young Thai woman, massaging me with one hand, answered her cell phone with the other.
On Day Two of the Chaos Cleanse, I drank 2 glasses of apple cider vinegar tea, 2 glasses of hydrated barley powder, 2 liters of water and now, typing in an anonymous corner of the local artists' coffee shop, I am relishing the warmth of 2 fish bowl cups of spicy Yogi tea. I took in half an avocado (and savored every minute of it!) and sucked on a few crystals of Celtic sea salt for some unexplainable craving-acknowledged reason (cravings have a purpose sometimes, you know - like getting you to eat what your body knows it needs). I hiked one hour in that star studded hardly spooky most fabulous of fabulous cemeteries, did a half hour of ballet floor barre, sweated profusely through a 90 minute Bikram Yoga class, and wrapped up the physical activity with an equally star studded 90 minute Thai massage. I felt true hunger not once and passing cravings only twice.
In Bikram Yoga we did a lying posture, knees pulling towards chest (in my case, ears). The instructor translated the name of this position as Wind Letting Pose, whereby one embarrassed class member promptly demonstrated the appropriateness that defination. Perhaps this is Eros, Greek Goddess of Discord, helping break down my systems by throwing salt in the batter of my seriousness.
I close my eyes now at the cafe, hear teenagers flirting - the spitting of an espresso machine. I feel passers by glancing art hanging above my head and feel a strong wind barging in the open door. It all collision wreck collides into a mess of indefinable Chaos, from where the only thing left to do is create.
Reduction is one path to Free Space. Immersion is another.
Chaos Cleanse - Day One
Los Angeles, CA
Works Perfectly
Los Angeles, CA
Works Perfectly
May 17, 2004
It is becoming popular to cleanse, I think. Recently several friends have approached me; "I want to cleanse. How should I do it?". Certain types of people like to be told what to do, and honestly when I was just beginning, I did too. I researched and read, I sought advice from select raw foodists, and when I felt well educated and prepared, I dove in for personal experimentation. Now, an advocate embarking on my 4th week-long cleanse in the past 6 months, I do kinda feel like an (ever evolving) Expert. At this point, I would honestly suspect anyone who claimed to know my body better than I, would shake my head at the idea of paying a fee for health, and would outright laugh at the thought of maple syrup or burdock root being some kind of secret serum. At this point.
If you are considering a cleanse, you are a Rebel. So let's do what Rebels do and break down some systems, shall we? Warning: the following ideas might be seen as crazy by the general population:
The body works perfectly. Its sole concern is to be a body and it will do anything in its power to maintain that integrity. A flower just takes the sun, rain and soil and becomes a flower out of it. If someone breaks a leaf, it rushes to repair. All the flower is concerned with is being the strongest, brightest, healthiest organism it can be. We are the same. We just need to stop interfering.
I have 22 piercings. The first 10 I used peroxide and triple antibiotic ointment to heal. The next 10 used diluted lavender oil, thinking I was a Rebel. The last 2 piercings (getting really crazy here!) I used absolutely nothing.
If I healed before, it was inspite of my interference, not because of. So the ideal cleanse would be one that interfered the least with our body's natural healing process then - a complete fast taking in only water, sunshine, fresh air, and sleep. But let's face it, not all of us are ready for that type of commitment. So now, when deciding how I am going to cleanse, I ask 3 questions to lead the way:
1. Why am I cleansing?
2. What are the advantages and challenges of my current lifestyle?
3. What level of detox am I prepared to undergo?
I asked one of my recent cleanse-curious questioners these inquiries and she answered respectively, "I want to lose 10 pounds. I eat the Standard American (SAD) Diet, exercise twice/week, and wish to go about business and relationships as usual." To which I responded, "You will loose 10 pounds and be able to continue your present level of work and socializing, if you increase your workouts to 5 times/wk and cut coffee, soda and white flour out of your diet. That is a cleanse for you." I don't think she liked my answer. Should I have suggested maple syrup enemas?
I myself answer the questions like this: I am cleansing to let any residual inflammation, physical pain and unresolved emotions tied to my past 2 years in STOMP go. I am cleansing to create a Free Space of Chaos to move forward from. My current lifestyle has the advantages of being supported by 95% raw vegan foods, consistent exercise, and plentiful love. My lifestyle challenges are inconsistent sleep patterns, inconsistent beds, inconsistent climates and a proclivity for social overexertion. And finally, having secured a private space for alone time, having no job to answer to, and having alerted my friends and family to the potential need of support or seclusion, I am willing to detox all the way. In fact, I would be utterly disappointed if catharsis was not involved.
My week-long cleanse will therefore consist of, tailor made for me: 1T apple cider vinegar in 8oz water, then 1T barley green power in 8oz water, on a rotating basis as I become thirsty. I will sleep as much as possible, spend ample time outdoors, administer an enema twice daily, exercise as I feel fit, and keep a journal handy for emerging cathartic revelations. If I feel threatened for whatever unforeseen reason, I will feed myself bits of (my super comfort foods) one young coconut or one ripe avocado. I will write in my online journal every day, promising (in contrast to this entry) to keep it direct and observational. And most importantly, I will listen to my body and if at any time it wishes to change plans, I will yield to its wisdom.
After all, it is quite good at being a body. Perfect, in fact.
If you are considering a cleanse, you are a Rebel. So let's do what Rebels do and break down some systems, shall we? Warning: the following ideas might be seen as crazy by the general population:
The body works perfectly. Its sole concern is to be a body and it will do anything in its power to maintain that integrity. A flower just takes the sun, rain and soil and becomes a flower out of it. If someone breaks a leaf, it rushes to repair. All the flower is concerned with is being the strongest, brightest, healthiest organism it can be. We are the same. We just need to stop interfering.
I have 22 piercings. The first 10 I used peroxide and triple antibiotic ointment to heal. The next 10 used diluted lavender oil, thinking I was a Rebel. The last 2 piercings (getting really crazy here!) I used absolutely nothing.
If I healed before, it was inspite of my interference, not because of. So the ideal cleanse would be one that interfered the least with our body's natural healing process then - a complete fast taking in only water, sunshine, fresh air, and sleep. But let's face it, not all of us are ready for that type of commitment. So now, when deciding how I am going to cleanse, I ask 3 questions to lead the way:
1. Why am I cleansing?
2. What are the advantages and challenges of my current lifestyle?
3. What level of detox am I prepared to undergo?
I asked one of my recent cleanse-curious questioners these inquiries and she answered respectively, "I want to lose 10 pounds. I eat the Standard American (SAD) Diet, exercise twice/week, and wish to go about business and relationships as usual." To which I responded, "You will loose 10 pounds and be able to continue your present level of work and socializing, if you increase your workouts to 5 times/wk and cut coffee, soda and white flour out of your diet. That is a cleanse for you." I don't think she liked my answer. Should I have suggested maple syrup enemas?
I myself answer the questions like this: I am cleansing to let any residual inflammation, physical pain and unresolved emotions tied to my past 2 years in STOMP go. I am cleansing to create a Free Space of Chaos to move forward from. My current lifestyle has the advantages of being supported by 95% raw vegan foods, consistent exercise, and plentiful love. My lifestyle challenges are inconsistent sleep patterns, inconsistent beds, inconsistent climates and a proclivity for social overexertion. And finally, having secured a private space for alone time, having no job to answer to, and having alerted my friends and family to the potential need of support or seclusion, I am willing to detox all the way. In fact, I would be utterly disappointed if catharsis was not involved.
My week-long cleanse will therefore consist of, tailor made for me: 1T apple cider vinegar in 8oz water, then 1T barley green power in 8oz water, on a rotating basis as I become thirsty. I will sleep as much as possible, spend ample time outdoors, administer an enema twice daily, exercise as I feel fit, and keep a journal handy for emerging cathartic revelations. If I feel threatened for whatever unforeseen reason, I will feed myself bits of (my super comfort foods) one young coconut or one ripe avocado. I will write in my online journal every day, promising (in contrast to this entry) to keep it direct and observational. And most importantly, I will listen to my body and if at any time it wishes to change plans, I will yield to its wisdom.
After all, it is quite good at being a body. Perfect, in fact.
Raw Restaurant Review
Go Raw Cafe - Las Vegas, NV
Rubber Ducky, You're the One
Go Raw Cafe - Las Vegas, NV
Rubber Ducky, You're the One
May 13, 2004
80 percent water.
Our bodies are 80 percent water. Skin and toenails just floating on the top. "Unwanted pounds simply evaporate away!" Children coming up missing after a bedtime bath.
Our earth is 80 percent water. Scuba divers just wading in the shallow end. King Titan's real estate molding on the market . Algae and plankton planning a new world order.
Life is water. Seems obvious, right? So tell me this: what brilliant settler, hauling family hopes and dreams, got to the unforgiving red desert without even a trace of stream or vegetation, and said, "Honey, we're home!". Ironically, Las Vegas is now the fastest growing city in the United States (algae and plankton take note) and on a recent road trip last week, I learned that the local population is in alarm over an apparent "water shortage". Oh, life's confounding paradoxes.
My friend Heidi grew up in the desert, scaling red rock wall, hiking canyon and cliff, and calling lizards by their secret names - says the green of Oregon makes her feel claustrophobic when compared to all this open, inviting beauty. I would have to agree when watching a storm shape in the east, morphing, collecting, blurring the horizon's boundries - a gypsy wandering across flatlands that 2 days later finally arrives without a drop of water to her cracked lips - it is a sight unparalleled in my memory. Or watching the sun set in the west, leaving Picasso searching for color, covering your entire vision with fire neon gold in a sky laughing at your insignificance - another miracle only Joshua trees and the arid adventurous can appreciate.
Still it is difficult for this raw foodist to watch flowers wilt in relentless sun, or my fresh spinach become cooked spinach in the back of my car and not wonder what implications that holds for my 80 percent liquid self. Unlike those brave settlers of American history, I need examples of thriving green life or else my survival mechanism kicks in. But on my recent trip to Las Vegas, in the midst of my subconscious fight or flight, on hands and knees dragging scaly skin through sand and sage, uttering a cartoonist's "agua...agua", I found it - the oasis, the lake in the desert, a drink of cool water: Go Raw Cafe.
Opening doors west of the strip in March 2003, Go Raw Cafe started as a response to the Las Vegas's need for a living food central community. The response was so overwhelming that in November 2003, only 7 months later, a second location was added for the east-of-the-strip health conscious as well.
The huge, square west side space feels very clean and pragmatic, almost cafeteria like - perfect for the quick grab and go. While the original east side location, with its bright colors, comfy seats and odd architectural angels seems to scream, "order an aloe shot, bring your guitar and stay for a while". Although the atmosphere evoke quite different responses, the menu, featuring all organic recipes with widely varied tastes, is affordable and identical in either location. Which is a relief, since you won't want to miss out on the Young Blood House Special (wheatgrass, beet juice and coconut water) whether you are picking up an order or making a fine evening of it.
Other exceptional and original items unique to Go Raw Cafe's cuisine are "french fries" (thick avocado slices rolled in a spiced, seed batter), the Carob Delight Pie (avocado, dates, and carob base), and a delight for the advanced raw foodist who can not quite stomach many of today's nut heavy gourmet recipes, the "take your pick" Mono Menu - market price.
And if any of you fellow water worshipers aren't convinced yet, perhaps dining outdoors at Go Raw Cafe's west side location, as the setting sun dances technicolor over the man made Lake Sahara, while contemplating how nothing in the desert is local or in season….except dates….will ease you desert doubts as it certainly did mine.
Our bodies are 80 percent water. Skin and toenails just floating on the top. "Unwanted pounds simply evaporate away!" Children coming up missing after a bedtime bath.
Our earth is 80 percent water. Scuba divers just wading in the shallow end. King Titan's real estate molding on the market . Algae and plankton planning a new world order.
Life is water. Seems obvious, right? So tell me this: what brilliant settler, hauling family hopes and dreams, got to the unforgiving red desert without even a trace of stream or vegetation, and said, "Honey, we're home!". Ironically, Las Vegas is now the fastest growing city in the United States (algae and plankton take note) and on a recent road trip last week, I learned that the local population is in alarm over an apparent "water shortage". Oh, life's confounding paradoxes.
My friend Heidi grew up in the desert, scaling red rock wall, hiking canyon and cliff, and calling lizards by their secret names - says the green of Oregon makes her feel claustrophobic when compared to all this open, inviting beauty. I would have to agree when watching a storm shape in the east, morphing, collecting, blurring the horizon's boundries - a gypsy wandering across flatlands that 2 days later finally arrives without a drop of water to her cracked lips - it is a sight unparalleled in my memory. Or watching the sun set in the west, leaving Picasso searching for color, covering your entire vision with fire neon gold in a sky laughing at your insignificance - another miracle only Joshua trees and the arid adventurous can appreciate.
Still it is difficult for this raw foodist to watch flowers wilt in relentless sun, or my fresh spinach become cooked spinach in the back of my car and not wonder what implications that holds for my 80 percent liquid self. Unlike those brave settlers of American history, I need examples of thriving green life or else my survival mechanism kicks in. But on my recent trip to Las Vegas, in the midst of my subconscious fight or flight, on hands and knees dragging scaly skin through sand and sage, uttering a cartoonist's "agua...agua", I found it - the oasis, the lake in the desert, a drink of cool water: Go Raw Cafe.
Opening doors west of the strip in March 2003, Go Raw Cafe started as a response to the Las Vegas's need for a living food central community. The response was so overwhelming that in November 2003, only 7 months later, a second location was added for the east-of-the-strip health conscious as well.
The huge, square west side space feels very clean and pragmatic, almost cafeteria like - perfect for the quick grab and go. While the original east side location, with its bright colors, comfy seats and odd architectural angels seems to scream, "order an aloe shot, bring your guitar and stay for a while". Although the atmosphere evoke quite different responses, the menu, featuring all organic recipes with widely varied tastes, is affordable and identical in either location. Which is a relief, since you won't want to miss out on the Young Blood House Special (wheatgrass, beet juice and coconut water) whether you are picking up an order or making a fine evening of it.
Other exceptional and original items unique to Go Raw Cafe's cuisine are "french fries" (thick avocado slices rolled in a spiced, seed batter), the Carob Delight Pie (avocado, dates, and carob base), and a delight for the advanced raw foodist who can not quite stomach many of today's nut heavy gourmet recipes, the "take your pick" Mono Menu - market price.
And if any of you fellow water worshipers aren't convinced yet, perhaps dining outdoors at Go Raw Cafe's west side location, as the setting sun dances technicolor over the man made Lake Sahara, while contemplating how nothing in the desert is local or in season….except dates….will ease you desert doubts as it certainly did mine.
Raw Restaurant Review
Good Mood Food - Huntington Beach, CA
Take Sensitivity
Good Mood Food - Huntington Beach, CA
Take Sensitivity
May 06, 2004
Her bare arms were strong yet unmistakably feminine. Her exposed skin soft as silt on a riverbed. I know not who received more pleasure from what happened next, but as she bit into the white chocolate bon bon, I watched her perfectly pigmented Mexican skin come alive, raise up, take sensitivity before my very eyes. Regina Line's Goose Bumps are the definition of purity, an uncontrived expression of absolute rapture, a delicious taboo for the fortunate to witness and my first vivid memory of Good Mood Food raw cafe.
With a front door ever propped open and an ocean breeze ever circulating, Good Mood Food embodies the vitality the raw lifestyle promises. Ursula Horaitis, a statuesque blond mother with a German accent thick as southern Cali avocados, co-owns the Huntington Beach establishment with her husband Jerry. In her home country, she says, gardening was a way of life and eating raw a matter of convenience as well as joy. When she and Jerry opened Good Mood Food they chose this location because of its proximity to a franchise gym in the same strip mall, members of which unfortunately turned out to prefer the all-chemical food-replacement meals sold in cans at GNC, ingredients not unsimilar to those in Willy Wonka Nerds, to the all-organic real-food creations just three doors down, prepared with love by Ursula’s very own hands.
But on March 1st, 2004 at Good Mood Food's explosive First Anniversary Celebration, it was obvious that the loss of the Willy Wonka Thigh Masters was no detriment. I and my friend Robert arrived early to enjoy the dj and the raw sampler plate, but the joint was swarming like an early summer honey hive before we could clean out our baby coconuts! Long time health enthusiasts fine tuning their techniques. Emerging raw-curious exploring the effects of clean living. Young and old faces glowing that radiant raw light, sharing food, emitting squeals, being together.
Nothing brings one more into the moment, places one back into one's body, focuses attention on the present, than severe pain, the ecstasy of orgasm or the joy of eating organic fresh living food. First it was the veggie wrap, then it was the halva - my friend Robert teased me as each bite I took became my new favorite. In my honest, worldly opinion, Good Mood Food has officially redefined raw vegan chocolates and in the end, it was the bon bons that won me over.
White Chocolate Goose Bumps. The End.
With a front door ever propped open and an ocean breeze ever circulating, Good Mood Food embodies the vitality the raw lifestyle promises. Ursula Horaitis, a statuesque blond mother with a German accent thick as southern Cali avocados, co-owns the Huntington Beach establishment with her husband Jerry. In her home country, she says, gardening was a way of life and eating raw a matter of convenience as well as joy. When she and Jerry opened Good Mood Food they chose this location because of its proximity to a franchise gym in the same strip mall, members of which unfortunately turned out to prefer the all-chemical food-replacement meals sold in cans at GNC, ingredients not unsimilar to those in Willy Wonka Nerds, to the all-organic real-food creations just three doors down, prepared with love by Ursula’s very own hands.
But on March 1st, 2004 at Good Mood Food's explosive First Anniversary Celebration, it was obvious that the loss of the Willy Wonka Thigh Masters was no detriment. I and my friend Robert arrived early to enjoy the dj and the raw sampler plate, but the joint was swarming like an early summer honey hive before we could clean out our baby coconuts! Long time health enthusiasts fine tuning their techniques. Emerging raw-curious exploring the effects of clean living. Young and old faces glowing that radiant raw light, sharing food, emitting squeals, being together.
Nothing brings one more into the moment, places one back into one's body, focuses attention on the present, than severe pain, the ecstasy of orgasm or the joy of eating organic fresh living food. First it was the veggie wrap, then it was the halva - my friend Robert teased me as each bite I took became my new favorite. In my honest, worldly opinion, Good Mood Food has officially redefined raw vegan chocolates and in the end, it was the bon bons that won me over.
White Chocolate Goose Bumps. The End.
