I keep giving and giving. But it feels like nothing is on it's way back to me. Which of course, is not TRUE, but that's how it feels.

It feels like nothin's been feeding the well and so it's Black Rock City dry.

But still I keep tryin to pull water up, pull water up to nourish other people.

So I'm giving without soul now. I'm giving in action, but in motivation, I'm feeling overdrawn empty well dry.

What I need is love. Isn't love always what's missing. More love is the answer to every question posed problem.

I need to feel more love.

Well, let's work through this then. Let's process. Here's the process:

I need to feel loved. What makes me feel loved?

ATTENTION. I know some think it's wrong, but it's just my way. I feel surrounded by the thing that doesn't touch. It's got power and tangibility and a bulbous moving pressure that reminds me I am alive. I feel loved when one person - not many, necessarily - when one person whom I admire sets their sites on my being with compassionate intensity. I can accept attention one on one like no other. I blossom with attention. I feel loved.

And why not let that attention be touch? Thy type of touch that drills consciousness into the shape, muscle, ligament, spot, microcosm underneath it's pointers. It's listeners. Attention via the listening hands. I can tell, people, who's hands listen and who's do not. I can tell because I have a built in love radar and I know, without touching, whose touch is embued with the depth of what it's connecting with.

Attention and touch.

I feel loved with attention and touch.

My well fills with more to give when I receive loving attention and touch.

So I guess the kickstart to feeling plentiful again is simple: I will hang out with a friend who pays attention to me and buy myself an hour and a half massage this week.

If that's all it takes to assure my clear water, strong center, freedom loving state of being so that I can give more and receive more without feeling depleted or taken for granted, then I'll get a massage every week. Who did I think I was not getting myself massages, anyway?

7 comments Links to this post