He said that I'm gonna blow up. He said my life will really change. All of a sudden people will be trying to catch a glimpse of me.
I'll be easy to recognize, I guess.
And inside I feel so subtle.
He said that I won't have a problem at all with it though because I've always been so grounded. I balance public perception and authenticity better than anyone he knows.
Of all the compliments I got this week all of them made a difference. And his not anything but front of my mind.
To receive a compliment, someone has to give it. In that way, I feel the praising words speak more about the one whose mouth they are dancing out of than the object of projection they are dancing towards.
Make sure you compliment someone today as least as many times as you wish you had been complimented yourself.
7 Comments:
You are grounded. Simply to the fact that you know who you are. Who that person may change, but you know who's doing the questioning.
Change is your birthright. In your previous post, you mentioned humility. As a child of chaos, your life is filled with change, which keeps us humble too - since we can also know how easy it is for things to change back. However, you have been blessed - but ultimately, that blessing allows YOU to make your own fate. Everything rides on YOU. Everything you have achieved has been YOUR effort and henceforth responsibility.
Stand back. Marvel at it. There's a lot of it to look at. Sometimes, when looking at the infinite universe it can seem small - and it is - but on a relative scale, it's something else. Sometimes our wide perceptions can blind us to the here and now.
Blessed be and walk in beauty, my sister in Chaos.
It was nice to have you visit one of our favorite nocturnal gathering places Sunday night. Although my wife and I did not meet you (we wanted your time to be spent with those who really needed to meet you, I know you understand) it was a wonderful and positive augmentation of energy having you there. Take care and best of luck to you in all your adventures.
Peter and Jerra - I had a devilishly good time at Malediction last nite, too. As you know I was "guest appearing" last nite and got all dolled up in my laxtex dominatrix nurse costume for the occassion. However several people stopped me to say, "I thought you might have been here before." Funny thing is ... I'm definitely no stranger to the Malediction Sunday nite Goth party - I just usually come alone, dress WAY down and keep to myself. My idea, though I dance like a maniac, is that I blend in, no one notices me and I fit in. Last nite was different ... I really wish you had grabbed me away from the social fiasco more. I would have liked to chat. Before escaping to the dance floor, of course.
And isn't it true, Brother Chaos, that the more comfortable you are with the knowledge that identity is strictly created and plastic, maleable and fleeting therefore, the more powerful you are in creating an ultimately flexible personality that serves you ultimately at any given time. When you are comfortable in knowing you are no one.
Then there are other times I am just dumbstruck in the kowledge - a deer in the headlights - just watching myself as no one and tilting my head questioningly at people who still think I may be.
Isn't the Goth club the perfect place to put personality manipulation according to others' perception of you into action?
I think that a Goth club is great for "sandboxing" personality manipulation into practice, to see how they react. Or perhaps, something similar to a set of test subjects, haha :) You can be way out without constraint and see how it moves the crowd.
Personality manipulation is an excellent term - I've written a piece on it (although I did not refer to it as such! A wonderful invention that you have brought into being, the term!), a rather scathing irony piece, actually, which I'm quite happy with. I might have to put it somewhere where you can read it (like the board) sometime for you and yours to enjoy.
As to being no one - I would rather say, instead of no one, resisting the idea of personal identity and the desire for seperation from the Infinite, from the Greater Chaos that interconnects all things - in many ways, you could say you are EVERYONE. Because you contain all possible traits, you are both everything and nothing. It seems like an insurmountable yin/yang dualism - but in many ways, like dynamism and entropy, creation and destruction, the state of being no one or everyone is as different as the thickness of a shadow. I think, instead of containing a void of "no one" you are instead "everyone". This, like nothingness, cannot be truly defined - since the observer is part of the equation.
The trick, as the movie "I (heart) Huckabees" speaks of, is to see "The Big Blanket" - to see that everything is created from the same substance - even what we see as space is not space - it contains air. In what we call space, as in outer space, resides dark matter. They have also found other sources of energy at a subatomic level that seem to keep particles together, it's basically sub-subatomic energy. And who knows where that will stop, that there is level upon level of interconnectedness?
You are not nothing, Tonya. You are EVERYTHING. You are EVERYONE. How you are? It is up to your choice, fluid and plastic and gloriously chaotic. You have all the options at your fingertips and you will choose what you feel is right at any given moment. There lies your chaos - your own personal connection to the Infinite, the hyperreality of interconnected randomness and uncertainty ...
Dead on, Calien. Dead on.
The difference between being no one and being everyone for me lies in the emotions I am feeling during such a possible state. Both states are all-possibility, but being no one feels a bit like inaction - mabye further inside. Being everyone feels like flying!
But in regards to the personality manipulation experiment: whether I feel like no one or everyone, the audience reacts me to the same. In fact, I kind of prefer the subtle difference of the audience's reaction to no one rather than everyone. People engage in no one. People wish to know the mystery of no one. Seekers find no one, whereas, in my experience, sheep find everyone.
Generalizations create great stereotypical truths. Haha.
Seeing you seeing me....
Perhaps in the depth of the void it becomes a mirror to others - the
abyss, the entropy of nothingness allows us to concentrate on what is
there, when confronted with the not-there. I just mentioned the above
in contrast to a cypher personality - where someone truly is nothing
therefore is a tabula rasa for everyone to implant their own ideas on.
They effectively have no strong identity and they are "given" traits
due to an internal nothingness. They're a clothes horse dressed in
fancy Emperor's new clothes, but they're still just a collection of
dead wood.
I think temporary "voiding" might be quite catharthic but I just had
to say I see so much of "something" within you instead. You'll never
be a cypher. :)
Cailean.
Oh, I undersand you now, Cailean. I hadn't ever heard of a cypher personality before, but I get the concept of one now that you've explained it and you are right - thank you - no way am I being what others feed to me. When I am "no one" I am being just that - no one. Without a search, just the vagabond soul's aimless wandering. Is that sometimes more "real" than the ego-rich dirctional kind?
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