Cardboard oracle. Living room mystics. Even at 12 I was pushing the envelope of spiritual sanity and otherworld provocation by requesting the forbidden information from the Ouija Board vaticinator. And between our fresh little girl hands, the glass did often slide across that prophetic landscape and two numbers did it slide to a disturbing stop over. One at a time ... 2 .... 9.

I have always had strong intuition. I just know things by feeling them and I trust that information like the soil beneath my feet. I always knew what 15 would be for me, and was psychic in humbling exactness. I knew what it was going to be like at 18, too. I knew 23. I could feel 26. But for some reason, from a very young age, I could not see past 29.

The Ouija Board is possibly the most widely used, effective diving tool today. It does not require belief nor any particular religion. All it requires is enough open mindedness, even in jest, to place your hands on the glass and listen. Eight year olds are experts. Drunken fools excel too. But no matter how adept or novice you are at the Ouija craft, everyone knows there is one unspoken question which should never be broached: When am I going to die?

So for 29 years of my life, between the decisive and notable lack of post-29 visions and the Oiuji's disturbingly taboo confirmation, I have accepted that I was not to complete my 30th rotation around the Sun. I knew I wasn't going to become ill, I knew I wasn't going to have an accident. I honestly felt that I would perish by my own hand and somehow that seemed natural - almost predetermined.

I've been bragging about it for weeks - pretending I am 30 already when people ask. Inevitably they assume a foreboding vocal tone and act like I should have arthritis and be unsatisfied or something. I wonder what awful death-fearing planet they are from because I am elated that I am no longer a threat to my own existence, but my best parent ever. I am overjoyed that my body is strong and able to do anything I request of it. M career is thrilling, rewarding and fulfilling. My karma is instant, clear and powerful. I am passionately in Love and am passionately Loved. I can't wait to live another day. I am weeping with joy that my parents' love for one another created the unlikely genetic combination of ... me ... with real working parts and extra special sauce and I get to live this amazing life, so precious, so resilient, so random, so probable.

Nineteen more hours and the stroke of midnite will reveal the truth I feel nervous now contemplating. Somehow I feel in the marrow of my bones, that my childhood intuition was accurate and that something in me this October 8th, will indeed perish before I can tally another year. Perhaps I was near sighted thinking it to be my literal form. Perhaps there is a transformation coming that will consume me, like Icarus, and leave me so transformed that I am almost unrecognizable to myself and so without a written, foreseen future, I am the real-time Ouija Board, creating each moment in every moment and starting at 30, I am truly free.

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