Weight gain, weight loss. Public sobbing. Collapsing in tears. Numerous times during the day. Panic attack - not anxiety attack - a panic attack - it's more like a sierzure directed outward.Gifting of possessions. Limiting communication. Time passing slowly. Time frightenly expedient. Feeling alone and thinking of Death a lot. But not in the "something white is waiting for me" way. More like "oh fuck, don't let me die lonely" way.
I must be loved when I die. I must be loved into the other world.
Oh, my god. I just realized that my cycles are becoming predictable. They aren't happening to me. They are directly proportional to my mania highs. Oh, god, I'm just better at it now. Well, I better keep getting better because here we go again.
Manic depression. I spend most of my life, after accepting there is such a thing as Manic Depression, denying its existence. But right now I can not deny that I am strongly exhibiting the bahavior that connects myself to many others based on a set of predictable symptoms when under stress. We powerful, emotional, creative outsiders.
Hi, my name is tonya kay and I am manic depressive. I guess they call it Biploar and there's even a l and a ll now. But dopamine and seratonin rich mania (oh please can I tell you about the mania? The high, the flying, the succeeding, the embodiment of connected, guided and free!) - the highs of mania and the depth of hollow back alley depression. No; despair. No, the mercury might of mars and masculine fire turned inward turned inward to self-examine and become shallow and loose it all right there. Coincidentally the dompamine and seratonin take a holiday from brain chemistry when all this is happening and you have no chance but to ... go all the way .... down.
...
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Hello, everyone. I am a manic depressive rapid cycling bipolar passionate brilliant artist. My life is art. People make art of my life. I am the tragic demonic spoiled encouraged enlightened ... evolved.
And I'm living it all medication-free.
Free. Free.
Free
5 Comments:
PEACE LOVE LIGHT 2 YOU :)
Reciprocated.
Bipolar happens.
I love someone who is...
Just found your blog, and I'm in love with your writing style. It's raw, open and shows the full gamut of emotion, as well as little nuggets that make me think deeper than "Gee, I really like naps".
Thanks for your little space on the inketnets.
Bipolar happens ... thank goodness.
Thank you for letting me know you appreciate my writings. It is therapy for me to write. Or create art of any kind. I wonder why we spend so much time doing things other than what is theraputic. Rhetorical, of course.
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