The only time you are wrong is when you think you know something.

I thought after 3 cleanses that I had my pattern down, only to have my detox symptoms advance on me like the slobbering drunk weeble wobble on any pretty girl at the discotheque. Does that mean I am being rewarded for living “clean” regular raw life by detox becoming speedier, more cooperative? Does that mean the entire process will expedite early leaving under my pillow little tooth fairy treasures on Day Seven?

In the past, which means nothing, I could define the steps in my cleanse as follows:

Day One: Normal Day Without Food - prolonged sleep
Day Two : Normal Day Without Food - feeling of lightness - less bloated, less inflammation - prolonged sleep
Day Three: Mega Anarchy Keep The Children Away Hump Day - extreme irritability, constant judgmental inner dialogue, desire to be in complete seclusion, trouble falling asleep
Day Four: Breakthrough - day to day waste has been eliminated, healing deepens, creativity skyrockets, dreams abound, workouts become less intense as I feel lighter, less grounded certainly, and at times, even weak
Day Five: Listening – overwhelming glimpses of perfect love without the desire to communicate it, feeling connected to everything without feeling responsible for it, profound messages arriving from radios, books, conversations, dreams, and all the while, this marked diattachment
Day Six: Revealing - optimism, confidence and creativity take over, aiding me in the examination of yesterday's (sometimes unpleasant) messages
Day Seven: Clarity - complete contentment, feeling myself again, present in every moment and though delirious to taste the taboo of a pear, wondering why I would want to change a thing

Logistics of Chaos Cleanse Day Three: drank 1 glass of apple cider vinegar tea, 1 glass of barley green juice, 2 cups anise tea (as I type at a new bohemian cafe) and 2.5 liters of water. Slept 8 hours, took a 90 minute Bikram Yoga class, felt hunger not once but INTENSE CRAVINGS when life threw at me a few surprise challenges (towed car, overdue union due notices, delinquent worker’s compensation bills). So I gave myself an avocado and juggled fine china with the light headed grace and advanced detox symptoms of my usual Day Four.

Just when you think you’re safe, here comes weeble wobble.

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