I've been thinking a lot about Chaos again. A contradiction within itself, this referring to the unnamable. To even entertain the concept one must unlearn how to think. Confusion therefore is once closer to Chaos. When my brain feels like eruption bang dynamite coo coo haywire anarchy, I am only getting warm.

Chaos, that green algae swamp slime from where all form emerges - the nothing we are made up of, the everything that isn't. The more I contemplate Chaos and the more confused I get, the harsher contrast that swimming drowning enigma is to everyday order. Our homes, our bodies, our language, our beliefs - all systems created through entropy to produce form from Chaos. These rules allow us to exist. These rules are existence.

Communication systems. Nervous systems. Belief systems. Solar systems. Let us see life for what it is: a self created set of systems we use for definition, the epitome of which, the most solid manifestation of, indeed the height of outward growth, is the human Ego. No longer enough to simply be separate from Chaos, life had to realize its separateness: I am not you. Which is of course, true. And not true. After all, there is only one building block from which you or Sea Monkies are constructed from and that is swamp slime.

Could it be that all this struggle to fulfill our human destiny through complete separation is nothing more than an aggressive attempt to answer the unanswerable, slow dance with the untouchable, create order from Chaos so as to not seem overwhelmed by our confusion over exactly what we are?

Human evolution is what we do and looks like this:
Emerge from Chaos (wave/particle, Big Bang, Let There Be Light).
Journey from Wholeness (umbilical chord severs, lungs take air, starting gun fires).
Solidify Identity ("I am dancer, raw foodist, pagan...human").

But what then, my friends? What then when our Egos finally develop enough to see these identities, definitions and all this separation for the self created systems they are - no longer serving our evolution but suddenly limiting our infinite potential, which is Wholeness...Tao...Chaos.

I am 27, very aware and going through a quarter-life crisis. I have forgotten who I am, what is beauty, why life. Exposing my systems, I am choosing not to replace them in an attempt to know freedom, continue evolving and return to Chaos. I am learning how to unthink in order to even contemplate this concept and am in a constant state of confusion. I am only getting warm.

Maybe snails are warmer.

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