journal creature: Spring Cleanse<br>Day 2

Day two and it really hasn't set in yet. My blood pressure is 106/64. My resting heart rate is 50 bpm. I again slept like a rock 10 hours. I worked out hard at the physical therapist's for 3.

I have trouble, even on a regular schedule, slowing down my mind. It is my strength. It is my downfall. So I'm guessing it will take the exhaustion of not eating for several days before I mentally surrender to this cleanse. Needless to say, it did not happen on day two. I kept myself occupied and with the exception of a tummy growl at 4pm and some deep emotional hunger at bedtime, I did not even register the fast. Which is absolutely not the point, but absolutely part of the process.

For the most part life continued as normal. Kinda boring in fact, just like this journal entry. The only insight worth self-analysis at this point is this deep emotional hunger I am experiencing at bedtime. This overwhelming desire to stuff myself into sleep, which is obviously:

a) an effective way of grounding for a woman who, in the past, has endured considerable psychosis over insomnia - (see above for "strengths" and "downfalls").

b) an ineffective way to feed the emptiness I feel, this pervasive Loneliness which even when I am happy has become a theme in my life, and when the mind does slow down enough for sleep, is impossible to ignore.

How's that for self-analysis? But knowing this is not enough. That's why I love the discomfort, the vulnerability, the fear of cleansing. You see, every nite for five more days I will not be able to stuff, drown, thicken or avoid intimacy with my Loneliness before bedtime. I will have to live it. This is my self-chosen opportunity to become sensitive, lucid and courageous. This is when I grow.

Today a dear friend I met in San Francisco wrote me to share how inspired by my email she is to fast, but at the same time, what traumatic childhood memories come up as soon as she considers it.

Often times, the amount of resistance we have to something is in direct proportion to what we have to gain from doing it.

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	Spring Cleanse Day 2 March 31, 2004 Day two and it really hasn't set in yet. My blood pressure is 106/64. My resting heart rate is 50 bpm. I again slept like a rock 10 hours. I worked out hard at the physical therapist's for 3. I have trouble, even on a regular schedule, slowing down my mind. It is my strength. It is my downfall. So I'm guessing it will take the exhaustion of not eating for several days before I mentally surrender to this cleanse. Needless to say, it did not happen on day two. I kept myself occupied and with the exception of a tummy growl at 4pm and some deep emotional hunger at bedtime, I did not even register the fast. Which is absolutely not the point, but absolutely part of the process. For the most part life continued as normal. Kinda boring in fact, just like this journal entry. The only insight worth self-analysis at this point is this deep emotional hunger I am experiencing at bedtime. This overwhelming desire to stuff myself into sleep, which is obviously: a) an effective way of grounding for a woman who, in the past, has endured considerable psychosis over insomnia - (see above for "strengths" and "downfalls"). b) an ineffective way to feed the emptiness I feel, this pervasive Loneliness which even when I am happy has become a theme in my life, and when the mind does slow down enough for sleep, is impossible to ignore. How's that for self-analysis? But knowing this is not enough. That's why I love the discomfort, the vulnerability, the fear of cleansing. You see, every nite for five more days I will not be able to stuff, drown, thicken or avoid intimacy with my Loneliness before bedtime. I will have to live it. This is my self-chosen opportunity to become sensitive, lucid and courageous. This is when I grow. Today a dear friend I met in San Francisco wrote me to share how inspired by my email she is to fast, but at the same time, what traumatic childhood memories come up as soon as she considers it. Often times, the amount of resistance we have to something is in direct proportion to what we have to gain from doing it. 0 comments Links to this post 0 Comments: Post a Comment Links to this post: <$BlogBacklinkTitle$> <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$> posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$> Create a Link